Shooting The Moon EPOV Extras
by DeepCrimson91
Summary: These are certain chapters from Shooting The Moon, and it's sequel Fall Through The Stars, in EPOV. It won't make much sense if you haven't read my story since it's all based around events in that. The rating may be changed, chapter requests welcome.
1. The First Impression

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

My days as always were filled with the various levels of tedium. Sometimes it was possible for something to interrupt the constant passing of time and slow it enough for me to find an interest to capture my vast mind. Unfortunately, those events were few and far between. So I drifted through this half life painfully aware of each dull and mundane detail.

Now, however, was the worst kind of purgatory, and a time I wished I could skip over.

High School.

Surely, the fact that I suffered through each monotonous day in this teen ridden hell hole would count towards something, a way of repenting for the many sins that I had committed in my long inhuman life.

The faces of my victims ran through my mind. Each had dead soulless eyes lit only with fear as they saw me, an angel of death, coming to punish them for their repulsive sins. My mind held a bitter tone when I thought of the word 'angel'. I had been called it so many times in the idolising minds of the surrounding mortals, but I could see no part of me that held any resemblance to any angelic creature. All I ever saw was a monster.

I didn't miss my vigilante days, but I did not enjoy this life of constant babbling thoughts. Each one more self absorbed than its predecessor.

I stared at the wood grain patterns on the laminate of the table. It was one way to distract from the continuous noise in my head.

The majority of these voices I ignored out of either boredom or desire to save my own sanity- although sometimes I wished a vampire were capable of losing their mind and slipping to a realm of hallucination and dreams. Just to experience something other than what my life was.

My mental voice snickered bitterly. How strange that I was at a point of wishing for insanity, when I stood no chance of ever developing it. It was just another form of reprieve that I was denied and therefore increasing the feeling of imprisonment that slipped over me when I contemplated my existence.

I snapped my mind away from the pessimistic thoughts that came when I allowed myself to wallow. As soon as I came out of my own mind I was met with the gushing voices once again. I battled with them as always. I didn't enjoy having the ability to know every person's private thoughts and desires. Especially since in the eyes of the human females, I was the centre of their minds.

Six familiar voices infiltrated through the babble, and I fought harder to ignore them out of courtesy. My family had accepted my ability but that didn't mean I wanted to intrude on their privacy, so I tried to ignore the self obsessed thoughts of Rosalie. Jaspers struggles as he watched a girl flip her hair over her shoulder exposing her pulsing artery. Alice's buzzing mind that flitted between worry for Jasper and the new shopping mall that would open in Seattle. Emmett, of course, thought mainly of Rosalie, but I would catch a little jealousy of the jocks playing sports outside. Emmett loved competition, but he only had us to compete with, and sometimes that wasn't enough.

_Get out of my head, _Rosalie growled when she caught my eyes levelling on her for a second. She knew I didn't need to look at someone to hear them but she always seemed to feel more aware of it when I looked at her.

I huffed and went back to picking at the foul substance on my plate that the school had the gall to call food.

_Edward_

Alice had my attention instantly as her voice rang clear through the gush of voices.

This was often how me and Alice communicated, private conversations with simple actions on my part to prevent letting on too much.

_Is he ok?_

She glanced at Jasper whose thoughts were still snarled around the slender neck of the girl. It was only a week since our last hunt, but his thirst raged ferociously. He would cope, he was strong, but he would suffer whilst doing it.

Alice's eyes were fixed on me and I made my eyes glance at the ceiling then back to the floor indicating a 'yes'.

She needn't worry yet.

She relaxed but turned Jaspers attention to hers, and his mind instantly forgot about the girl. All he thought about was Alice.

It hurt to have so much love surround me but never feel anything close to it myself. I loved my family but that could never compare to the love they shared as mates.

I looked for another distraction from the small ache that sat in my chest.

Sifting through the thoughts of those around us one name kept coming up. Isabella Swan, the soon to be new girl. No face went with the name; apparently she was to move here the coming weekend after the week of the holidays.

If only she knew the reception that awaited her perhaps she would change her mind. Every of my pubescent classmates wanted to attach themselves to the new girl, be her confidante, best friend, and boyfriend. Each idea was feeble and insignificant. The main reason they wanted to be near her was because they knew how popular she would be for the first term. They all just wanted to use her for their own social gain.

I would never understand this teenage world, but then again I had no wish to. None of them held any interest to me. No human ever had.

**Omnia vincit amor; et nos cedamus amori.**

**Translation: Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.**

**Book X, line 69**

Vergil had many ideas on life and love, but this was one I had yet to experience.

It was a Friday night, the start of the weekend, not that that meant anything different. Most days just merged together. I sat staring out the window, the open book in my hand. I had read it many times, but still I felt that I couldn't understand it completely because I had never experienced the emotions he wrote about. With a sigh I shut the book and placed it back with the other classics that burst from my bookshelves.

My room hadn't changed much since we had moved here two years ago. However, now I had a new addition to my room. An antique mirror Esme had bought from Indonesia. The carvings into the wooden frame were intricate and complex; I could imagine the hours it would take for a human to create such exquisite patterns.

Despite its age the mirror still retained a clear polished surface. No matter the beauty of the piece, I had no real need for a mirror. I held no interest in looking at my monstrous reflection, it would only be a sharp reminder of what I was and the many predatory lures I had at my disposal.

I ran my fingers over the smooth pane. The temperature showed no real difference to my skin. I was just as cold as the inanimate object.

I was meant to be an inanimate object; I wasn't supposed to be alive. There were days when I wished I wasn't, that Carlisle hadn't changed me and I'd died at the young and tragic age of 17.

I was broken out of my wallowing by a change registering on my fingertips. It wasn't icy cold anymore, more like warmth that seemed to hum and vibrate. I watched in wonder as the pane of the mirror showed a faint room behind my reflection. I turned to see that my room was still the same.

My eyes bugged out when I saw the view that was now reflected in my mirror. There was a girl. It was a girl's room.

I sat mesmerised with my fingertip still pressed lightly to the image in front of me.

She moved around the room picking up various objects, looking at photos. I gasped as her hands made their way towards the hem of her top.

I had to stop this; I couldn't sit and watch some girl perform a strip tease without even realising. It wasn't the right thing to do. I had been brought up with better morals than to allow myself to indulge such a depraved act as to watch an innocent girl undress. I had always held myself as a gentleman and an unusual event would not change that.

I turned away from the mirror, running my hands through my hair to try and calm myself. A glance at the mirror showed it was back to normal. I breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps boredom was finally sending me to insanity.

Was it wrong that I actually felt relief at the possibility?

The hours that passed seemed endless, and for every one I watched the mirror from the corner of my eye.

It had created a temporary break in my monotonous life. No matter how strange, worrying, or confusing it was, there was something about that mirror that sparked my interest. A type of fascination with the room it showed. I had to understand it. It was something I needed to quench the curiosity that now burned in me.

I walked slowly to the mirror and placed my fingertip to the pane, thinking clearly of the place beyond it. That deep purple room which was cluttered with items that I could only imagine held some kind of memories for their owner.

The room came into view, and I found myself pressing my hands to the mirror pane trying to see deeper into it. I wanted to investigate every corner of that room, to gather as much information about its owner as possible. It was irrational to want to know about something that seemed impossible, but I was a vampire. I was supposed to be a myth, a legend. I wasn't supposed to exist.

As my hands pressed closer to the pane I felt the mirror shift, the image swirled in front of me until the pane wasn't solid anymore, more like a mist like bubble separating me from the room. I felt a slightly warm breeze hit my face and gasped, stepping backwards and watching the mirror seal back up.

I should tell Carlisle, or someone. I could be putting my whole family in danger by experimenting with something that I didn't comprehend.

I shouldn't be risking something that is so important to me. It was selfish to chase something that could endanger the people I loved.

But it wasn't my family I was thinking about when I once again touched the glassy surface willing the room to existence. It was pitch black, like the sky outside my window. The girl would be sleeping, but as the room came clearly into fruition I noticed it wasn't pitch black at all, instead it was lit in soft warm light by a single lamp. The girl sat at a keyboard her hands drifting over the keys as she rocked slightly, timing the pace of the song she was playing.

Her hair fell in messy curls down her back, not the sleek waves it had been earlier today. She had been sleeping but was obviously restless.

Why was she restless?

Why did it intrigue me?

She seemed so peaceful. I sat as she finished her song. I couldn't hear it, but I knew about it when she finished. Her eyes snapped towards me. Was I visible? I hadn't thought about the risk of actually being caught watching her.

How perverse she would think me, watching her when she seemed so vulnerable.

I saw her stand and walk towards me. I needed to hide, somewhere, anywhere. I leapt from the mirror and hid like an idiot behind the curtains.

I was a 104 year old being and I was hiding from a girl, who could only have been 18?

I needed to get away from here. I needed time to think this through. Perhaps it was just a one off, one unusual night of some mystifying magic.

Did I believe in magic? I wasn't sure. I had always believed that everything which can't at first be explained has some rational excuse behind it. Even if sometimes that rational excuse seemed impossible.

I knew deep down that the girl was real, she had to be.

_Is everything ok Edward?_

Esme's loving voice echoed through my mind. I turned to her and smiled. She worried so much about me, my loneliness. I knew she thought that Carlisle may have turned me too young, that 17 was too young to adjust.

Sometimes I felt that maybe she was right. But I had learnt that age really wasn't relevant. My age didn't stop me from understanding. After all, I had so many years of living in me, but living and fully experiencing life were two different things. No matter how many places I had visited and cultures I had experienced, I hadn't really lived them to their fullest. Not the way the others did, purely because I didn't have someone to share it with.

I hadn't looked at the mirror since last night; nearly being caught and discovered had sent fear through me. But that fear also brought a thrill that only came with running. An exhilaration at something that gave me freedom.

I had to experience it, just once more. Just one more glimpse into this room that held something that made my mind buzz.

I rushed to my room and shut my door. I could hear Emmett's thoughts as they drifted upstairs.

_Looks like Eddie needs some alone time._

I shook my head in distaste. It was typical Emmett to associate my want for privacy with such a delinquent act. Unlike him my mind didn't focus solely on sex.

My fingers had become used to the tingle the warmth of pane created when it showed me the room. This time I was greeted by the scene of the girl standing at her window. The light pooled on her face and made her hair seem to glow with a multitude of colours, golden brown, chestnut, deep chocolate and soft mahogany. I took in the rest of her figure. It hadn't really registered with me earlier as she was always in a state of movement. Now, as I saw her soft curves and lean figure, it triggered something in me. She was no different from the other girls at school, but the way she held herself was what registered in my mind. Her posture was straight and confident.

She turned to face me once again, crossing the room to stand before me. She wasn't focussed on my eyes, so I didn't panic that she had seen me. My fear had been irrational.

Her striking blue eyes searched for something, her fingers ran along my palm as I watched in wonder. She may have only been a year or two older but something in her eyes showed a maturity many others her age seemed to lack.

"What is this?" Her voice sounded distant.

"I wish I knew," I replied, but it didn't register that she heard me. Her human hearing wouldn't be able to pick up on the distant sound of my voice.

I left the mirror untouched or hours after my contact with her.

**Her **I didn't even know her name. It seemed so rude to talk of her as if she were merely another human, when unlike other humans she caught my attention and held my interest.

**She **was my fascination.

I needed to know more.

I knew I would have to wait till nightfall, I couldn't risk being caught. If I was going to enter this place I had to take some precautions.

I spent the majority of the day plotting in my head. The family would be out hunting tonight to help ease Jasper's thirst. They knew I had opted to stay behind, and even though they questioned it, they didn't push for answers.

What could I have said that wouldn't have garnered confusion and in Rosalie's case outright disgust for my idiocy?

Rosalie and I had a strained relationship, ever since her change I had been irritated by her self-centred thoughts and she by my lack of idolism at her beauty.

I couldn't bring myself to openly admit my fascination with this mirrored room, for I couldn't bring myself to open up for ridicule from Rosalie. The others would give me the benefit of the doubt, but Rosalie would instantly insult my perverse curiosity for something that could endanger us all. If not from the unknown on the other side, then from the Volturi if they were to catch wind of such an unusual occurrence.

I couldn't let that happen, to risk this mirrored room's exposal to the Volturi, to put that innocent girl at risk. But I had to know what sat on the other side of that misty film. I had to give in to the selfish urge that compelled me to pass through into the unknown, just once. Just to experience this once in a lifetime opportunity.

And so, when I was certain the family had left, I went up to my room. And here I sit preparing myself to take the step that could alter everything or nothing in one instant.

I watched the pane as it twisted and reformed into the misty film it had earlier.

Stepping forward I felt the new air of the room hit my skin, and a fluttering sensation pressed against my body as I passed through the film.

What I was met with was unlike anything I had ever had the pleasure to experience. The scent that permeated the room was so luscious, so full and vibrant. Cherry blossoms and vanilla floated through the air mixed with something heady and spicy, ending on a single sweet but citrus high note that would have made my mouth water. It was intoxicating, and I inhaled it desperately feeling the rush that went through my veins with each molecule of this delicious scent hitting my taste buds and senses.

Beneath the fire that built through my body there was no burn, nothing that caused me the constant discomfort that I had grown used to. It was a fire that licked through me and seduced rather than tortured. I looked to see the girls sleeping form twisted in her sheets. They were pulled up around her chin but her hand had slipped to the surface.

My eyes no longer saw her features in an innocent light. This girl before me sparked something in my being that made my skin tingle at the thought of her touch. Her hand sat so carefully on the top of the cotton cover, her skin seeming to glow in the dim light that came from a slit in her curtains.

I couldn't control my actions. My mind was fuelled by something so raw and primal; I didn't stand a chance to control it in this instant. My hand reached for her and the silky texture mixed with the heat of her sent shivers to settle at the pit of my stomach. I had experienced something like this before, whenever Jasper lost control of his power during his private time with Alice. He would pump the whole house with this strong potent emotion that now coursed through me. Lust. Pure and unadulterated. All consuming and raging.

I could feel her pulse vibrating through the thin barrier of her skin. Each contraction of her heart sent new waves of scent that sent me into a frenzy.

Fuzzy images flickered around my mind from her dreams.

"What are you?" I whispered it, my husky voice surprising me.

A groan broke from her throat, and it was the most sensual sound I had ever heard. I felt my unnecessary breathing increase. She shifted.

She was waking up.

She was waking up and I was standing panting holding her hand.

I had to run somewhere, get away, but I couldn't move. I couldn't clear my head to think about the portal I had come from. I retreated as fast as possible to the dark corner of her room, hoping, praying she wouldn't see me.

She shifted again, and I heard her breathing speed up as she woke from her slumber.

I waited for the scream or the quickening of her beating heart but nothing came, instead she merely rolled over and fell back into her dreams.

It had been too close. I waited a few minutes before exhaling that precious scent from my system. I needed to go home. I had pushed my luck too far for one night, any second it could snap and leave me trapped in a situation I had no control over.

I carefully made my way to the portal. I was so close.

It all happened so fast; light flooded the room and arms grasped towards me. I flew through the portal in panic praying that she couldn't follow. That she would think it all a dream, a figment of her imagination.

This hope all failed when I realised I was now standing in my room missing a Prada loafer.

She had evidence of my existence. She knew I was no image from her mind which was created to make her dreams interesting.

She had just created the reason for me to visit again, and I couldn't find it in me to regret it. I could have just thrust danger into the heart of this family, but the memory of her scent caused the fear to melt away.

I wanted to see her but part of me knew I wanted so much more than that.

**Author's note: This isn't Edward falling in love with Holly on first sight, he's fallen in lust. Unlike with Bella when it's almost love at first sight.**

**xxx**


	2. The Meeting

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

I stood watching the mirror avidly as the embodiment of lust and desire sat contemplating my shoe on the bed.

The expression on her face kept my eyes glued. Her eyes combed every inch of the simple loafer as if she were searching it for clues. I allowed myself to chuckle when she seemed to give the surface a light rub, as if it was a magic lamp and a genie would arrive in a puff of smoke to clear her head of the confusion that was etched on her feminine features.

She flipped the shoe over and smirked shortly after. I wanted to know what had caused her full lips to curve up in that amused expression. What was so humorous about the sole of a shoe? I slipped my other shoes off and examined the sole as she had. There was nothing but a smooth leather surface imprinted with a number eleven.

I wracked my brain for anything that would spark that small smile on her face.

Shoe size.

Something to do with a shoe size.

I felt my own mouth smirk when I thought of the old wives tale but wiped it clean when I felt the shame of thinking that the girl in the mirror would even relate the shoe size to such a crude meaning.

I found it interesting that my mind found the parallel so easily. Perhaps the effect of her scent had left a wicked imprint on my way of thinking.

My glance at the mirror showed the girl to be standing in front of the portal.

I certainly didn't look at her in the same way as I had before. She was no longer just the innocent girl in the mirror; she was like the human form of nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.

I gripped the edges of the mirror carefully and stared into the room of the girl as I surrendered my body completely to the heat of the lust I was feeling. A groan of pleasure escaped my throat, and I felt my body reacting to everything I felt. It was spectacular, this feeling. A hand left the mirror frame and I drew it roughly up around my neck and down to the stone planes of my stomach. Just imagining the body of that girl as she stared at me from the other side. My hand became her hand as I slipped it into the restricting denim fabric. I felt my breathing hitch as I imagined how it would feel to have her luscious heat gripping the hardened form of my arousal that was currently straining against my jeans.

In a hastened need for release I released myself from the fabric prison that was keeping me from fully feeling the pleasure that was promised to me by the intoxicating scent of her.

My hand acted as her hand and I found myself lost in a fantasy that revolved around a sensation and an act that I had never experienced.

I absorbed myself completely in the memory of what she had felt like, what she looked like, the way she smelt, and the way she had sounded. Every aspect of her was amplified in my mind and culminated in an orgasm that rocked through me and left my body and mind peacefully and gloriously numb. I doubted even mental voices could reach me now.

"Come on, don't you want your shoe back?" I frantically rearranged the evidence that showed of my crude act when I heard her words. I felt ashamed that I had given myself up to the feeling, and all over an ordinary girl that now stood before me through the mirror.

I was truly a horrid creature.

"You'll like an idiot if you wander around with one shoe. Plus your foot will get cold. Maybe you'll end up with frost bite. That would hurt. I would hate to have frost bite. Your foot could fall off and then you'd be stuck with a peg leg," she continued.

Her voice was just as distant as before and even I struggled to hear it, but I found amusement in the way she babbled through the words. I looked down at my shoe pondering the risks it would take to get back the other half and the reward I would get from taking those risks. The reward of that feeling her scent gave me, a feeling of being alive and full of raging but seductive fire.

Her face was flickering with emotions, varying from anger, tiredness, and frustration. Eventually her form retreated back to the bed, and I saw her huff as she flopped back still clutching the shoe.

I watched in fear and anticipation as she wrapped her body around my shoe, curling every curve to fit it snugly within her balled form.

My mind registered the difficulty and danger of discovery that would come with retrieving the shoe. However, I also felt the relish of the challenge that was ahead of me. In order to get back my shoe I would have to touch her. Bathe in her scent. Sweep my hands across her body. Come so close to the glorious epicentre of her body where her heartbeat pounded through her ribcage and reverberated through the soft flesh of her breasts.

_STOP, _I shouted in my mind because I could feel myself getting overexcited at the images her scent brought in my mind.

I was still a gentleman; I wouldn't let one girl destroy the manners and principles I had acquired through my years.

I could control myself. In fact I prided myself on my ability to restrain the more primal urges I have. Even when Jasper floods the house with lust I rarely cave to the need for self gratification. Now would be no different. I wouldn't just force myself upon her soft supple skin and ravish her body 'til she created a symphony of lustful sounds.

No, I would not do that.

..Although the very idea was tempting...

No...

I ran my hands through my hair and took deep breaths to ease the tingling sensation of anticipation that spread from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head.

It took longer than I thought to rid my brain of every lusting thought I had about that scent. Eventually I found myself calm and collected and stepping through to the sexual nirvana on the other side of the film.

I held the clean and boring air from my room in my lungs as I made my way over to the girl body. Without her scent permeating my brain, I had enough sense of mind to measure my actions and take better care of not getting caught.

Her body was still curled around the shoe though her hold wasn't as strong.

I took a moment to let my eyes look upon her sleeping form, now that my mind wasn't clouded with lust.

Her face was a soft oval shape although her cheekbones and jaw line created definition. Her skin was a pure cream colour with a light rose painted upon the apples of her cheeks, giving her an appearance of a delicate china doll. Faint freckles were peppered across her nose, showing the sun's effect on her skin. My eyes flickered briefly down to the full rosy lips that had tempted me before. They were parted slightly, and I registered the slightly thicker appearance of the lower lip along with the cupid's bow of her top lip. Matched with her near black eyelashes that dusted the tops of her cheeks, I could only come to the conclusion that she was a beautiful version of ordinary. She didn't possess the bone structure perfection of modern models but her features were softer. Her lips weren't like the glossy painted pouts that were fashionable, but they created a natural and soft pout as she slept peacefully. Her nose had a slight bump in its bridge, but all these little imperfections just showed she was human and not absolute stark perfection.

She let out a soft mumble and her warm breath passed over my face, reminding me why I was here.

I had to erase my existence from her life. For some reason I felt a twinge of sadness that this would be the last time I would get to experience this new world. The last time I would let my mind indulge in my fascination.

I kept my lungs closed shut as I crept my hands forward towards her body. I couldn't risk inhaling any of her scent whilst I was touching her. It would be too much; it had almost been too much last time.

I carefully grasped my shoe in one hand and passed my other up her arm, feeling the fleecy fabric of her pyjama's bellow my fingertips and the warmth of her body soaking up through my skin.

I clenched my teeth against the wonderful tingle that her heat created, the way my hard, cold, stone-like flesh absorbed every heated particle.

I steadily started to pull her arm away from her body, loosening her grip on my shoe. All the while my eyes watched her face intently and listened for any change in her breathing or heart rate that would show her waking up.

My hand brushed against her pounding chest and I made the critical error of gasping in her marvellous scent.

In that moment I was doomed.

My senses became both heightened and numbed at the same time. I was so very aware of my own body but so very blind to everything else around me.

My grip tightened marginally around her arm as I tried to reign in my self control. I caught myself before I caused her delicate skin to bruise. One tightened flickering touch was all it took for her to stir, and I clumsily stumbled back. My mind was in flurry of panic and excitement.

My brain was battling with itself. One half was shouting to run, flee, get home, and forget about this place and everything in it. The other half was replaying the scent through my mind and cooing like the devil on my shoulder, saying there was nothing to worry bout. She was just a human girl and she didn't even live in my world. What harm could come from discovery? Surely any risk that was being taken was worth the feeling that filled me now.

The latter side won and I stood awaiting the screams and cries of horror.

The girl erupted from her bed in an aggravated action of throwing off her covers and growling slightly. I smirked at the fury she showed. Would she have shown this kind of anger and frustration if I had been a vicious murderer coming to end her days?

I contemplated this as her actions started to settle, and she fixed her body into a determined posture. Her face showed her emotion clearly as she scowled at me with her hair wild around her and her eyes sparking with agitation.

_Well this is new..._ I thought and felt that I was in fact happy to be getting this kind of reaction instead of the usual expression of being dazed and 'dazzled'

Although I was happy, I also found that the gentleman in me didn't like the idea that I had upset and annoyed a girl for, seemingly, no apparent reason other than my own interest. I was effectively the child at the zoo that tapped repeatedly on the tiger's cage until eventually it's driven to a point of a vicious outburst. I had goaded this girl with denying her sleep, all so that I could experience what her world had to offer.

I went to introduce myself but was stopped by the sudden movement of the girl as she reached down and within seconds had flung a pillow in my direction.

I could have moved, but I didn't want to scare her with my flash like reactions. Instead I allowed the pillow to hit me square on the chest, with a soft thud that felt like nothing more than having lukewarm water poured on you.

I looked upon the pillow at me feet and turned my gaze back to the girl.

Why had she done that? What had passed through her mind that made her throw a pillow?

Then I thought, what if she had thrown the pillow in fear? What if she had expected it to distract me so she could escape? Did she fear me? Did I care if she feared me? Should I have acted like it had hurt? Was I supposed to have at least moved at the force of it? Had I just revealed myself as inhuman?

Of all the questions the final one caused fear it course through me. What would I say to Carlisle? That I was outsmarted by a girl with a pillow? That I was discovered because I didn't move during a one sided pillow fight?

I felt pathetic just thinking about my explanation.

I set my panic filled eyes upon the girl and looked to see her expression had take on one of shock.

She knew!

Dear God what have I done?

Her eyes passed down to look at my feet and then to the shoe in her hand. She was fitting the pieces together, and it was just creating an even more horrifying image in her mind, or that's what I assumed.

Wait? Where are her thoughts? Where's the running stream of consciousness?

I intensified my 'hearing' but I could hear nothing. Not even a mumble or gurgle which were the usual scraps of thought I got when I first met a new human girl.

I searched the area in panic but relaxed when I registered 3 other voices in the house. They weren't clear but they were present in my mind if I opened it up.

More confusion flooded my mind when I contemplated the girl in front of me. She was silent to me, but I was certain I had heard her before. Images had filled my mind last time, so why not now?

My mind continued that train of thought whilst the other registered the girl's eyes raking over me.

It was like her eyes were an x-ray beam, and I felt my inner self squirm at what she might see. Would she see the monster I was hiding, like a concealed weapon being hunted out in the airport scanning machines?

I watched carefully. I didn't dare move for fear it would just make the situation so much worse. I was only barely hanging onto myself between the fear that filled me and the glorious way her scent made me feel like a livewire. I was strung out and tensed to breaking point.

Her sultry blue eyes met mine, and I saw nothing but her eyes. I couldn't read the emotions that flowed in her mind as easily as past humans.

Everything about her was testing my limits, and I felt even more frustration that I couldn't hear her thoughts. What was I to do if I didn't know how she was reacting?

Our eyes stayed locked in a staring match. Each of us testing our mental strength. The shocker was that even though she was the fragile human and I was the deadly predator, I felt as if she was the more dominant of the two of us.

She showed such calm and collection whilst I stood here a mess of emotions that I couldn't control.

I watched in anticipation has her cheeks coloured up with a pleasant shade of red.

It had been so long since I was able to appreciate the beauty of a girls blush without feeling the monster clawing at me.

My eyes flitted down her body, and I had to stop the chuckle coming from my mouth when I saw she was wearing what I believed to be an adult version of a baby-grow.

It did nothing for the curvy figure that I knew hid below the fleecy surface and part of me thanked her for not increasing my temptation by wearing a satin slip. The images of what she would be like in such a garment danced around my head and I saw her cheeks get redder.

What if she could read my thoughts?

I had never thought of such a possibility, but what if, right as I'm standing her, she could see my every thought?

I looked at her closely and I cleared my panic. There was no way she would stand her if she knew my deepest darkest secrets.

That meant only one thing. Her embarrassment wasn't from hearing my lusting thoughts but instead from the very obvious gaze I had fixed on her.

How low of me to look upon her as if she were mine to ogle.

I thought of the only polite thing I could do to clear my name and reinstate myself as a gentleman in her deep blue eyes.

"Hello."

She blinked before she answered.

"Erm, h-heylo," Her voice was stuttered a strange greeting, but I enjoyed the humanity of it now that I could hear it clearly instead of through the portals distorting film. It was a soft English accent, but there was a slight northern cadence which wouldn't be discernable to many mortals.

"Excuse me?"

"I meant to say hello or hey, but came out with heylo instead." She fiddled with a button on her outfit. I desperately ignored that the movement was drawing my eyes to her breasts, which to me weren't hidden enough in the mass of fleece.

Every soft curve was still visible, and if I just...

I set my face into a mask and sealed up my thoughts.

"May I ask why you tried to assault me with a pillow?" I had to know why she had done such an obscure thing.

She looked away from me and bit down her bottom lip as she contemplated her answer. I focussed my eyes on the top of her head. I would not give in to temptation.

"Erm...I thought you were just a by-product of me going crazy. You know, like a hallucination,"

As soon as she told me her answer I pondered why she would even have dreamt me up.

"I can assure you I'm real, so if hallucinating was your only reason for diagnosing yourself insane. I think you can consider yourself relatively normal." I saw her eyes flash with anger and I let my smirk come out to play on my face. I was back to taunting the tigress but now instead of sparking fear in me she just entertained. It seemed she had morphed into an angry kitten now that I had learnt a little more about her.

She dismissed my teasing with a flick of her tumbling waves, sending a stunning wave of hot passion over me.

"So you're Edward Cullen, and this is your shoe, yes?"

I stood shocked as fresh fear chilled me to the bone and turned me into a statue.

How could she know that? Did I do something to give away my name? I didn't think I had but what could possibly have happened for her to know my name?

At lightening speed my eyes flashed around her room, looking for a means of escape or knowledge. My gaze flashed to the place I had come from and instead of a misty film I was met by my own face set in a pouting printed form. In mere milliseconds I examined the poster upon her wall and registered words that I was sure held the key to her knowledge. 'Twilight', 'Summit Entertainment. LLC'

Agitation filled me. This situation had turned onto a weird and unnerving path and I could see no way out without enduring it.

"Yes, that is my shoe. May I ask how you know who I am?"

"Well firstly how, and why, are you in my room? You're the intruder so I think I deserve some answers before I tell you anything." Her expression became one which a person wears during a negotiation. She wasn't merely going to give me my answers without me giving something up. I just didn't know how much I could give without placing my family in anymore danger than I already had through my stupidity.

"That seems fair," I said and sent a wave of calm over myself. If I was to play negotiation with this girl, I couldn't let her see the desperation she put me in. I couldn't show weakness; instead I would play her game.

"The why of it is simple. You took my shoe, and like you said earlier I would look rather odd missing a shoe." I watched as her mind registered my teasing tone and smirked when she showed that spark of surprise once again.

I hadn't breathed in her scent again in a while and although the feeling still raged in me, I had to brace myself for inhaling again and enabling myself to speak.

My body wound just a little tighter as the sweet tasting molecules danced across my tongue and down to my lungs, spreading through my body.

I was saturated to the point of bursting out of my controlled cage and unleashing the ravenous, sex starved man beneath my cool surface.

"How is a little harder to explain. I was sitting in my room. I had just fitted my new mirror. It was a present that had been bought from Indonesia. After a few hours the reflective surface changed. It became a two way mirror. That's the only way I can explain it, instead of seeing my clear reflection there was a room faintly in the background. Your room, it would appear."

Would she think it was a breach of privacy, even though I hadn't forcefully wished for such a thing to happen?

I waited in a world of silent passion as her mind went over what I had told her.

As I had expected her eyes flashed again with a fiery anger.

"You! You were watching my when I was getting changed. Like the little show did you? If I'd known someone was watching maybe I should have picked a nicer set. Hmmm... you got any favourite colours?" I felt my mind stagger at the onslaught of her accusations. She thought I would act in such a depraved manner as to watch her strip to her underwear and still come here and tell her about it?

Whilst one thought train expressed my insult at her words, the other battled with the way her suggestion made coloured undergarments flash through my mind. All different textures and styles and how they would fit upon her curvaceous form.

Really, how could I be disappointed in her estimation of me when I stood here living up to her low expectations?

"I sincerely apologise if I've upset you, but I promise you I did not watch you getting undressed." I needed her to believe me. I didn't want this stranger thinking badly of me or judging me, which was strange considering that that was all she was, a stranger, a fascinating, frustrating, odd stranger.

I waited for the fire to cool from her eyes.

I couldn't stand the feeling of being in the dark any longer. I had to know something, anything that would stop my mind from running in frantic circles.

"Now please tell me, how do you know who I am?" her face softened. I may have wanted to know her secret but I didn't want her pity. I had enough self pity to sicken myself with; I didn't want hers as well.

I would gladly take the melting fire her scent gave me but that was all I would take from her. I was selfish enough to want to only take the best of her, the amazing feeling she gave me.

"I can't explain how I know who you are, but I can tell you what I know. OK, so I'll give you the basics, and then I'm off to sleep." She padded over to her bed and I found a more human place to perch whilst she talked. I didn't need to sit down, but it wouldn't be normal for a human to stand still in the same place for a long time. I couldn't risk her learning anything else that could point her in the direction of my immortality.

I took another glance at the poster of a vague version of myself staring out. Could it be I was hiding something that was already known without my knowledge of it ever being revealed? I pushed that thought aside. It held too much worry for me to even consider it.

"Oki doki then. So, your name is Edward Cullen. You live with 6 other people. Carlisle, your father, Esme your mother and your adopted siblings. Jasper and Alice. Rosalie and Emmett. They're all together. You live in Forks, Washington, and although all your siblings are together you had been single for a long time. Not that there hasn't been interest." Her mouth moved through the shocking information at a speed that told me she knew it well.

This girl before me somehow knew facts about my life that although were common knowledge to people in my world, I couldn't see how it could be known to her when she lived half way across the world. Or at least I had assumed I was in England. The temperature of the environment and faint coastal air had drawn me to the conclusion. But then again, could I trust my judgement now?

"However you are now in love with a girl named Isabella Swan, or Bella." She paused and I felt myself becoming colder by the second. Her latest fact barely registered in my mind. I wasn't capable to making any connection to those words and myself.

"You play piano, and own a silver Volvo along with an Aston Martin Vanquish. You don't have many friends outside your family, and Bella, other than the Denali's. You originally grew up in Chicago, but both your parents died. Your mother's name was Elizabeth, and your father's was Edward."

No words could escape my throat. It felt like it had sealed up in the trauma of what she had just revealed to me.

Only one scrap of me registered comfort and relief that she only knew the facts that were known by everyone else. There was nothing to say she knew anything other than our cover story.

"I haven't gotten to the heart of it yet, the big finale, are you ready? You're a vampire, and you're 109 years old ish, even though you're biologically only 17."

She couldn't possible know that!

There was no way!

My whole body was flying furiously through the stages of denial and fear. It seemed like my world was crumbling around me and plunging into the unknown. This girl had just put us both into more danger than imaginable and with me came my family. I was pulling them over the edge with me, and I knew they would never forgive me for this if we survived.

I stared at the girl who had ended my world in a second of speech and saw no remorse in her eyes. She was happy! She was positively beaming at me with those damned mysterious eyes!

A devious twinkle came up in her eyes, and I felt like she was holding my broken body with a simple piece of string, as I dangled above a perilously deep abyss.

Right now as she held my eyes in hers, she was edging the proverbial scissors out her pocket.

She was going to cut me down and let me fall.

She was going to make me risk everything to survive.

"Oh, and you read minds," she said, and I fell.

I fell into the darkness of despair and saw nothing but her twinkling eyes as she watched me disappear into the cavernous dark.


	3. Question Time

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's note: so this chapter was requested and I hope it's what you wanted. I enjoyed writing it because when I originally wrote the chapter I had a pretty clear image of why Edward would react the way he did.**

**Enjoy!**

Another passing day, except this one refused to blur. Lessons dragged by as the teachers lectured about subjects I was probably better qualified to teach.

Meanwhile the students were still fussing over the new student. Isabella Swan. Bella.

I watched from my place next to my siblings at lunch as she sat amongst Jessica Stanley and her group. Jessica was thrilled to have the new girl as a friend, it had greatly increased the worthless power she consider to be her popularity.

Bella herself didn't seem particularly interested in being popular or joining in the high school competition of reputations. I respected her for that.

Ever since our first meeting in Biology a week ago I had felt this pull to be near her. Her scent called to me like a siren's song, but other than this pull I didn't feel anything else. Then again I had been off school for the past week, so I hadn't taken the time to get to know the girl that Holly seemed determined was my soul mate. The person I was to spend my life with.

I had biology with her next; I wasn't nervous or worrying about her scent. I had spent my week off school visiting her home, saturating my lungs with freesias and strawberries, preparing myself for the task of sitting next to her for the rest of the year.

During my time of habituation I got to learn a little about her. Her room wasn't full of photos and memories like Holly's. Instead it was unpacked with the bare minimum of possessions, as if she had no real plans to stay although rumour claimed otherwise.

Unlike Holly her room wasn't cluttered with artwork and music, she seemed to prefer literature and classical literature to be exact. Jane Austen, Shakespeare, Bronte sisters. All praised for their great romances and tragic love stories.

I wondered if she had heard of or read some of the greats I enjoyed, whether we could have something in common or if we were just destined to be together because of this pull.

The bell for the end of lunch rang out and I made my way to Biology, weaving through the throng of people to avoid contact.

I was the first one to class as always. I knew it irritated the teacher to find me here every time he entered the room. Just me and him in the small classroom before the other students entered. Fear always flitted through him in those situations and I couldn't help but enjoy it a little.

This was another thing that fascinated me about Bella; she had shown no real fear on that first day of us meeting. We had sat in silence, but it didn't feel strained just 2 strangers sitting beside each other neither one worried by the presence of the other. I had spent that time trying to decipher her mind. I knew Holly had said I would hear nothing but I wanted to try anyway, part of me just wanted to be stubborn and prove Holly wrong.

The students began to file into the classroom, and I settled myself at the far end of the bench as Bella stumbled into her seat.

How could a human be so clumsy? She literally trips over her own feet.

I inhaled her potent scent and felt the monster claw at his cage, the pull tightening just a little like pulling on harp strings.

We sat in the same comfortable silence as last time, her hair forming a thick chocolate wall between us. Her mind was still silent of thoughts, but I could swear I heard something like a faint whispering so quiet it was like it carried on the wind.

Bella Swan was a mystery to me and I felt the need to solve her, piece by piece.

_Have fun on your play date, Eddie._

Emmett's thought echoed through my mind as I passed through the portal. His nickname for me was his favourite way to irritate. I cleared the emotion for me as I saw Holly's room come into view.

The warmth that hit me every time fluttered against my skin whilst the smell of Holly warmed me from the inside.

What was it about this girl that made me want to bury my head into her chest and never come out? Whenever I was in her presence I became a man of depraved lusting thoughts rather than the gentleman I had always prided myself on being. I just hope I hid it well enough for Holly to be blind to my wanting, that she didn't see the desire that ran through me with the simplest of her movements or innocent of actions.

The cloaking of these feelings was paramount because I wanted to know her. She interested me, and although I never thought it possible I found that I liked her, her personality, her humour. I found myself wanting to be more than an acquaintance, a chance meeting never to happen again. I think, though I cannot be sure, I think I wanted to be her friend.

It was with these thoughts I entered her room and caught the sight of her, her slender body stretched out on her bed, headphones plugging her ears.

I could hear the music that played from them and was intrigued by her choice; it wasn't what I expected considering her instrument preference. I remembered the slow piano song I watched her play before we met, compared to this music playing now it was almost a world away.

She had a small smile on her pretty face and I could see her lips moving slightly. I moved closer to her, those lips mesmerising me as they silently formed unknown words.

I had to let her know I was here, but I didn't want to disrupt the memories she was obviously enjoying. Instead I placed my hand on hers and waited for her to open her eyes.

I couldn't have prepared myself for what entered my mind. The image of a thundered sky and muddy fields, rain falling from the sky as 2 girls danced to the flow of the music. One girl I assumed was Holly but the image wasn't right, she didn't see herself clearly. The other I had yet to meet, but that didn't matter it was only Holly that captured my attention.

Her hips swayed and rocked as she moved, her shorts and t shirt dirtied and damp. Her hair swinging in wet ringlets sticking in places to her glistening damp skin. I could feel my body reacting to the image, but I couldn't tear myself away from it. She looked so free and happy like all inhibitions ebbed away with every beat of the pounding bass.

I had to stop this before I lost the last ounce of control I had left. I struggled to keep my eyes from darkening from their golden hue.

"Seems like it was a lot of fun." My voice sounded ridiculous, as if it was breaking. I hid my amusement about this hoping maybe she hadn't heard it.

Her eyes had snapped open to reveal that intense blue that seemed to sparkle no matter the light.

"How did you see that?" She shifted and my hand fell from hers, my hand fell cold missing the buzz of electricity her skin had brought.

"I don't know I wasn't doing anything different, I can't hear you anymore now." I concentrated back on her mind but found nothing, much to my disappointment. I rather missed my dancing Holly.

I had to distract myself. I would not fall prey to such a primal emotion. If I could control my bloodlust around my singer then I could control this lust around Holly.

"So what are we going to do?" The idea of actually spending some proper time with Holly made me unusually happy. I didn't often interact with anyone other than my family but this girl made it seem effortless.

"Erm well it's not sunny outside so I was thinking maybe we take a walk. There's a park a few minutes' walk from here. I just fancy being out the house for a bit. If you're OK with that?" She chewed her bottom lip nervously and for a moment I was in a daze just watching her. I caught myself before she followed my gaze.

"Sure walk it is, you do realise its cold outside."

She didn't seemed phased by my comment and merely stood to leave the room. I flashed ahead of her reaching the bottom of the stairs as she bundled herself up in her coat. I wondered if she really understood how cold it would be.

"You forget Edward, I'm a northern girl. I'm used to the cold."

I smiled. This northern girl was already so different to Bella, and I couldn't figure out how I felt about that. I wondered if during our time together similarities would arise.

As we started to walk I caught the calm expression on her face. I wanted to understand her to her thoughts and opinions. To know what she was thinking.

Unlike Bella there was no hint of whispered thoughts on the wind just dead silence, and it was a constant interest to see her reaction to things. I wanted to know if winter was her favourite season, if she enjoyed the cool air on her skin, if she ever held in her breath just to make it more visible in the cold air. With Bella it was a pull that interested me, but with Holly it was just her actions and reactions.

"So tell me something about yourself, you know so much about me and I know nearly nothing about you." The lust was buried deep down now, I felt comfortable with her.

I watched her process my request and a slight smile appeared as she came up with her answer.

"Well I tell you what, you can ask me 20 questions but that only stands whilst we're out. As soon as we get back home game's over." The glance over her coat collar showed me that she didn't give away information about herself easily. These questions were her way of holding back; keeping the control of how much of herself she revealed and put on show.

I couldn't help but wonder why she employed this tactic. Why she felt the need to keep her guard up even if it's hidden by smiles and laughter.

I smiled at her and watched as her step faltered, was she as clumsy as Bella?

I had a million questions in my head but I needed to choose them carefully, pick ones that would keep her relaxed but give me the chance to read her a little better.

Music was my first choice, it was important to me and I always felt you could learn so much about a person by their taste in music. Unfortunately for me she replied with a song I had never heard of, I made a note to find it later. It was her favourite song and the way she spoke about it definitely hinted at something so much more than aesthetics.

"Favourite colour?" It was a simple question, but I wanted to know all the little things about her.

"Violet blue, because it's soothing and comforting. Soft." Her reply told me a new trait of Holly's: she had a pensive side. She didn't rush into things. The colour she had chosen was mellow and calming, perfect for soothing and thinking out problems.

"How long have you played an instrument?" She seemed a little more reluctant to answer this question.

"I played piano since I was very young but stopped when my grandmother died. I've played keyboard since her death so about 8 years. I've had to stop recently because I just didn't have the time. School just got in the way."

Sadness dimmed her eyes as she talked of her grandmother. I wished I could have comforted her, but I was unsure how to. She didn't seem the type to find solace in shedding tears or find comfort in sobbing their problems to another.

Holly was strong, independent, brave, but I couldn't help but think sometimes these things could be the cause of faults. I wondered how many times she had stood with the weight of the world on her shoulders but refused to tell anyone, just stood tall and tried not to let her knees buckle.

"Favourite flower?" This question wasn't going to reveal much but it would hopefully wipe away the bitter taste the last question had left.

"Pink lilies." Her small smile eased my worry that I had upset her earlier. That was the last thing I wanted to do. This girl beside me had accepted everything I was and invited me into her life, even though I had no right to be there, and I had repaid her by probing her with questions all to satisfy my own thirst for understanding. And if I wasn't doing that I was fantasising about what it would be like to fist my hands in her hair and pull her lips to mine. Could I really be a friend to this girl? I knew I wanted to be, even felt like maybe we were already on our way to that destination, but was it fair to her?

I snapped out of my reverie and asked my next question. "Favourite stone?" I expected the word diamond to come from her mouth, but I had obviously misjudged her.

"Tanzanite, it's a different shade from every angle. I learnt it's because the light refracts differently through it than diamonds causes the shades of blue and purple to change constantly. You can look into tanzanite and never see the same view." She smiled, and her eyes held that misty emotion of a far off memory.

Tanzanite was so much more than a diamond. The rarity of it is what makes it one of the most precious stones in existence. When I thought of it, it suited Holly perfectly. So many layers and facets made each stone unique completely individual. Just like Holly.

"City girl?"

"Through and through, but I've got to be near a beach or somewhere without too much civilisation."

"Ha ha ..So you're a bit of a loner?" I hoped I wouldn't offend her, but I almost liked the idea that she might understand how I felt. The loneliness that could at times consume me.

"God no! But cheers for the assumption. I just like to have somewhere to think, admire nature." This fit with her personality. She could see interest in some of the most mundane of views; it showed in her artwork that hung round her room.

I grinned at the pulse of heat that soaked through my arm. She hadn't hurt me, but I wondered if she had honestly thought she could. Did she forget I was a vampire? Made of stone? She treated me as if I was human and for that I liked her even more.

"First pet?"

"Dog called Puddles and a black rat called Jet."

My eyebrows rose at the mention of the rat. I couldn't imagine why she would want such an animal in her home, a dog seemed a sensible choice. Most people say dogs reflect their owners. Loyalty, loving nature, protective. These seemed to mirror in Holly. You could see that from how she looked after Ashleigh.

But a rat?

"Why a rat?"

"She was cute and different from a hamster. I don't usually like to conform."

It made perfect sense. She was creative and unique, why should she settle for what society expected when she could be that little bit different. This reminded me of Bella and the way she stood out from the crowd whilst all the while appearing to blend in. I felt the pull tug a little, but I didn't feel the urge to run back to my world. Something about Holly kept me in that field by her side, watching her walk in step with me.

"What have you always wanted to do but never had the chance? Try not to think about this one too much."

Her likes and dislikes might have told me a lot about Holly but it was her dreams, experiences and ambitions that really captured my interest.

"Bungee jump."

Of all the things I thought she would say I never expected this. It clashed with what I thought I had discovered: her protective side. She seemed so concerned over Ash and yet was prepared to dangle from a weak elastic cord for fun? How could she care so much for someone else and yet not worry for her own safety?

In that moment I questioned her sanity a little.

I beamed at the loony girl in front of me, blurting out the obvious question to such a revelation. "Why?"

I saw her eyes target something, but I was too absorbed to pay attention to it.

She finally gave me an answer, but it wasn't really the one I was hoping for.

"I like adrenaline. No it in a crazy way. I just like the thrill, speed, heights. That kind of thing."

Great, the idea of watching Holly throw herself into death defying situations willingly bothered me. At least with Bella her clumsiness wasn't self inflicted I could stop accidents happening to her but what was I going to do when Holly decided base jumping or sky diving were her thrill? I couldn't plummet to the ground with her on the off chance her parachute failed.

I had to clear my head of the image of Holly's broken body on a tarmac floor. It hurt to see.

We had reached a park and Holly dashed for the swings like a child. For someone who seemed so mature she had a very childlike quality to her. Was I to find constant contradictions in her character? Would I ever completely figure her out?

Part of me hoped not, I liked that she surprised me, it didn't happen often.

"If you could have any power what would it be?" I couldn't even guess if I tried. Predicting Holly had become a near impossibility.

"I'd be able to fly or teleport or something. I think flying would be more fun than teleporting though."

"Have you ever travelled?" My eyes followed her slim body as it worked in perfect motion, swinging her higher into the air, her long legs extending to make a sleek streamlined point.

"Yep." Her mouth popped on the p and she grinned towards me. She wasn't playing fair.

I was forced to ask where, my curiosity wouldn't drop it.

She reeled off a list of places, her voice told me she wasn't satisfied with her travels even though she had experienced more cultures and places than some may have had the drive or funds to.

"Where would you like to go?"

"The world." She flew past me on her swing, her hair flying out behind her as the dim sunset softly shone behind her. She looked like an angel. I shook my head at my silly thought, she was stunning but that didn't me reason to gawp at her like some love sick puppy putting her on some pedestal I doubted she would want to be placed on.

"Care to elaborate?"

"That's another question. I want to travel and see the World. I just want to live this life we have to the fullest. I love my family and friends but there's so much out there. "

"There's got to be more than this." she barely whispered it, but the longing in her voice burned me. She deserved that life, to feel fulfilled. Everyone did. I knew the feeling of only living a half life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

"Are you happy, Holly?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips, she swing lost momentum slowing gradually.

"To an extent, I have nothing to be unhappy about. Nice home, good health, wonderful people who love me." Her feet shuffled on the gravel floor, I knew the words she wasn't saying. I could read between the lines. To some it would seem enough, maybe even more than enough, but to the few that recognise it they would see that a life without love is no life at all.

I placed my hand on hers as she stared out to the tree line. I wanted to comfort her, to communicate that I knew how she felt, and that wanting more than the love of family and friends wasn't a crime.

I caught a wash of sadness, embarrassment, shame maybe even weakness as my hand touched to hers but they were all soon fading away into darkness. Just remnants of a state of mind that Holly obviously hid very well.

"So why the lack of swinging?" I wanted that light back in her eyes, even if it meant having to deal with the disappointment that she wouldn't trust me to understand how she felt.

"Just girl stuff" she sighed and dropped her head to look at the ground.

"Come on it's getting dark, I should probably take you home." Her eyes briefly caught mine and I watched the shutters go down and the fake smile light her face.

"You do realise, I invited you out so surely I should be the one taking **you** home not vice versa." I wasn't going to argue the point that a gentleman is always the one to escort a lady home so instead I offered her my arm.

"OK then Holly. Take me home."

**Author's note: I was going to do the whole of chapter 8 but I think I might split it and post meeting the parents later and add in a little bit of Edwards home life, how the Cullen's are reacting to the idea of Edward and Bella starting to get to know each other that sort of thing.**

**Hope you liked it, I didn't want it to seem as though Edward fell instantly in love with Holly because that certainly isn't what happened. Hopefully it shows that they are just becoming friends, figuring each other out.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**xxx**


	4. Meeting The Parents

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"ARE THERE ANY PARENTS PRESENT?" Holly's voice called through the house as she twirled out her coat, hitting me with a wave of what had now become one of my favourite smells.

Bella's scent made my mouth fill with venom and a magnetic pull in my chest to spark up, but Holly's sent fire through my veins, turning me from a cold hard statue to a red blooded man. Each had their allure but each was also so different.

When I had asked to meet Holly's parents I had wondered if she accepted out of actual pleasure or just to be polite. But as we neared her house my doubts washed away when she hit me with a mega watt smile and opened the door.

I shut the door behind me, it only had one lock on it and that could probably easily be opened from the outside. I'd have to see I could persuade her parents to change it.

Her mother greeted her from the kitchen and I chuckled as I saw Holly's mouth drop at the mention of fish. I had smelt it when we came in, the pungent smell of smoked cod.

Holly looked mortified, and I couldn't help the chuckle that came out. I covered it by pretending to clear my throat.

"Fish, yum." I tried my best to keep a straight face but the horror and embarrassment in her eyes made it near on impossible.

Her eyes flashed with anger and her rosy lips formed a smirk.

"Be careful there, **Eddie, **I might get her to serve you up some of that smelly goodness."

I felt my face drop and run cold at the thought of having to eat the repugnant food that caused the hallway to smell of old socks, and something similar to dirty seawater. I had barely registered the use of my awful nickname. I say barely, it still caused me to tense a little.

She spun and caught hold of my jacket pulling me towards that foul smell. I could have stopped her, but from the strength she was using I would probably have ended up with a ripped shirt.

As we entered the kitchen the first thing I noted was the bright colours that splashed across the walls. Yellow beamed at you brightening your day just by looking at it. Next I caught sight of her mother. Chesnutt brown hair fell to her shoulders nearly poker straight. She smelt like cherry brandy and vanilla cream so warm and comforting. I could see where Holly got her fire from, the brandy scent warmed through you.

_Get ready to meet the parents, oh and if the fish bothers you that much just stop breathing._

I hadn't realised, but my face was twisted into a grimace at the smell. I quickly straightened out my features and placed a slight smile on my face. Ready to meet the mother.

"Mum, this is Edward." Holly called and her mother body turned to see us standing in the door way. Her skin wasn't fair like Holly's but instead still held a tan from time in the sun. Her eyes were slate blue with almost indigo rims. She wasn't exactly like Holly, but I could see some of her mirrored through her.

I watched with amusement as she took me in. It was the same reaction I always got, except for my first encounter with Holly. I had never been met with a scowl before.

_Oh wow, look at that face. Holly, honey you've certainly done well here. Look at him. he's perfect. Shut up, Sandra, you're a married woman and he's your daughter's boyfriend. What kind of mother are you?_

I would have to warn Holly about the Spanish inquisition her mother was going to hold later.

"Um hi, Edward, I'm Sandra." She stuttered a little, and I smiled. I could see the disgust registered on Holly's face at her mother's actions.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs Jules, sorry to interrupt. It smells delicious." I used up the rest of my air and stood silently pleading to leave the room to clear my lungs.

_Liar_

I smiled at Holly's thought. Her mother was still looking at me but her thoughts had become muffled. Was it a trait of all humans here? Holly's thoughts were almost completely blocked, and yet I could clearly hear her mother's and sister's. Her sisters a little more than I had hoped. That first encounter had been a little awkward. Her mother did seem to have better control over her thoughts, just as Holly did. Perhaps it was genetic?

"Well your dad's just next door on that golf Wii game again if you want to say hi." I almost ran for the door and was grateful when Holly shut it firmly behind her.

I could see her biting her bottom lip, as she walked a little slower to the next room. Was she nervous?

I took in the hallway before she opened the door. The staircase spiralled round in a large square up to the next floor. A stain glass window filled with intricate and colour glass stretched the length from the first landing to the next floor. I could image the colours that would dance on the opposite wall when the sun shone in.

Holly took a look behind her as she opened the door, revealing a man doing some kind of dance in front of the TV screen.

His honey brown hair was pepper with grey hairs. He wasn't especially tall, in fact I was probably above him by a few inches. I waited for him to turn round but he seemed absorbed in his game.

"Hey dad how's the game going." Holly's voice finally caught his attention and he spun round.

His eyes matched Holly's almost perfectly; they had the same twinkle in them. His face was lined from laughter and as he smiled at his daughter I saw where Holly got her smiles, fun, jokes. Those little quirks that made her such a happy person to be around.

"It's going gooood, and who's this then?"

He sized me up, puffing out his chest a little.

_He better not hurt her. Not my holly-berry. Why does she have to talk to boys? Especially boys like him. Why is he here? What does he want with my little girl? I'm not letting him think he can just waltz in here and steal her heart._

The fierce protective nature shone through only in his thoughts, his face showed no sign of his worry. I liked this man, her wouldn't let any harm come to Holly. He might have appeared to be a joker, but I knew when the time came he could take a situation seriously.

"Edward, sir, it's nice to meet you." I wanted him to trust me, if he could let me be close to Holly, then I knew there would be no greater compliment.

"Well, Edward, I'm Jason, but you can call my Mr Jules. Or if you want to stick with sir I'll be more than happy with that." His face grinned, and I heard his thoughts settle.

_Nice boy, Holly's done good._

"Arg! For Christ sake dad stop being such a tool. Anyway me and Edward are heading upstairs, probably to mess around maybe I'll get pregnant and make you a granddad way too young."

Holly's frustration only amused her father. He had heard every word but knew he could trust his daughter to do what's right. Him and Sandra had taught their girls well, so they had no reason to doubt them.

An unwanted image sparked in my mind. Ruffled sheets, Holly's hot mouth on mine.

"So we're going mess around are we?" The thought made my voice drip with the desire for it to become reality.

Of course Holly didn't swoon, didn't flutter her eyelashes, didn't even hitch a breath.

"Well what we're going to do will include a bed but friends don't mess around. It's the rule." The filth in my mind was replaced with the word friend coming from Holly's lips. I was her friend; I had a friend someone to talk to other than my family.

I stretched out on her bed luxuriating in her perfume that drifted off the covers. She was bent over a music player deciding what would be the background song to our last few hours together.

As I drowned in pure Holly, I heard her choice play out. It was another unknown artist to me. The sound was a mix of synth. The singer's voice was breathy and let the lyrics flow effortlessly through the tune.

_**I wanna explode  
Watch me, I'm a lucky girl**_

I tried to ignore the lyrics. They just added to the heat her scent had already ignited.

_**See I, I like you  
So won't you pay  
if you wanna go down**_

I shifted on the bed as Holly slowly swayed her hips to the music, looking through her music selection.

I wanted to run my hands along those hips.

_**I wanna touch you, slowly  
I'm a lonely girl  
Come on you want to**_

Did she choose this on purpose? Was this all just part of her plan, to have me seduced beyond help. Every lyric pushed my buttons, each movement she made had my immediate attention. I needed to stop. I needed something to talk about to take my mind of this feeling inside me.

Holly turned and flopped onto the bed. It was too much, to have her this close in this state of mind.

I got up to look through her music selection on the computer. Her first song choice was nearing an end and I inwardly sighed in relief.

"You have very interesting music taste. Seems to have a big range, I mean how can you like Lady Gaga, whoever that is, and Debussy? The 2 sound like polar opposites." I scrolled through the thousands of song titles. I couldn't see a pattern, or any specific music taste. It was so varied.

I chose a song to play as the title caught my attention. This time the jazz sounds of '_Feeling Good'_ played out. It eased my mood though nothing could fully erase it. Not as long as Holly sat in this room.

I turned to Holly has she gave me her answer. Her posture was straight full of confidence.

"Well excuse me, but I prefer to keep an open mind to the creative creations of modern days musicians whilst also embracing the classical works."

I hadn't expected such a long answer. Most people would just say 'just do' or some other short phrase.

A glint entered her eye, there was more.

"Plus sometimes I just like to shake it."

I couldn't hold in the laughter that flowed so easily from me. Holly Jules was full of surprises.

"Edward? Emmett wants to play GTA, you coming?" Jasper stood quietly at my door as I lay staring at the ceiling from my black leather couch.

I had only left's Holly's a few minutes ago. Around 10 at night. She'd kicked me out so she could get some sleep.

I looked at Jasper and he caught the look in my eyes. Confusion must have been pulsing out of me. I couldn't figure out what was going on with me. I hadn't told Carlisle about the effect Holly had on me. Not really, just a passing mention of something other than thirst.

I felt ashamed that I couldn't control such a basic emotion and yet I could control the monster inside of me.

_What's wrong? Something happen at Holly's?_

Jasper entered my room now, and I felt that maybe if I just talked to one of the guys surely they would have some idea how to cope.

I would have to keep my voice low to avoid Emmett but maybe I could keep it between just me and Jasper. I don't think I could stand the idea of Emmett having use of something like this.

"Nothing happened as such at Holly's, it's more something that continues to happen when I'm around her." I let myself flood with that strong emotion that holds me whenever I'm in Holly's presence.

_Woah! Down boy! _Jasper's thoughts stopped the emotion flowing through me, he chuckled but it seemed strained. I did not want to chance those emotions leaking out into the house, especially with all the girls out hunting for the night.

"I need help, every time I'm around her it's there. At least bloodlust I can tame." I felt hopeless. It wasn't that the feeling didn't thrill me but I valued what I had with Holly. And this had the opportunity to ruin it.

_Just spend time with her, it might ease. Other than that I can't help much. You know what Emmett and Rosalie are like and that's after years. Lust can't always be controlled but if you had a distraction, something else to focus on, it might help._

He left me to wallow in my room whilst he and Emmett committed virtual video game crimes.

I sat in my usual place watching Bella Swan. Again.

My eyes seemed to be pulled to her. It frustrated me because other than her scent there was nothing that seemed to attract me. I hadn't had a conversation with her; I only knew vague facts about who she was. Her looks were pretty, but nothing that would necessarily pull my attention from a crowd.

I wanted to understand what it was in me that needed to be close to her even though my throat burnt to cinders and my body was tightly strung. That addiction to the mouth-watering smell, to the essence of who she was, the reason she was alive.

I needed to keep Bella Swan safe and alive but was it out of love or just that primal urge to protect what was yours. She was my singer, but did that really give me the permission to think of her as a possession to hold on to?

I knew I didn't care for her like I did Holly. My moments spent with Holly were relaxed, relatively. She made me feel alive, bringing my humanity back to me. I may not have cared for Bella as I did Holly but I cared about what happened to her, how she was treated.

That's why when she was grasped at by Mike Newton I felt a growl build in my throat.

_Edward what the hell?_

Rosalie's fury spiked in her thoughts. She followed my gaze with a glare of her own.

I was glad Bella was unaware of it for if looks could kill she would be sprawled on the floor cold and lifeless.

The monster roared at this idea.

I took one last glance at Bella and when she met my gaze I waited for what I thought would come next. The happiness of being noticed by her but instead I felt nothing but the usual boredom.

_Heavenly_

That was the first time I heard Bella Swan and the first time I knew she wasn't what Holly had thought. She wasn't my soul mate just my singer. The attachment Holly seemed to think was love wasn't love for the girl but love of the scent.

My heart sank, so close to finding the love of my life and yet so far.

**Author's note: Thanks for reading**

**xxx**


	5. The Biology Conversation

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's note: this is just a little bit of EPOV for you. I'm going to do a few more in his POV, some might be from earlier chapters so I'm sorry if they don't run in order. Shooting the Moon is very much a single person's view point because that's how it works best. Certain chapters I just feel like adding Edward's view adds to the story so that's why only certain one's will have one of these to go with it. So up to you if you want to read them of whether you just want to stick to just to reading what's in Shooting the Moon.**

EPOV chapter 10

_He's so dreamy, why does he have to be gay._

Isabella Swan was thinking of me again. I met her chocolate pools with a frustrated stare. Jessica Stanley's rumour seemed to have taken hold. She'd started it ever since I turned her down. I had to admit it helped a little with the female attention, but I found it a little more disturbing hearing male fantasies instead.

I tore my gaze away from Bella as she shrunk back into the vile arms of Mike Newton. She was just another toy to him, someone to hold onto and show off to the other boys.

I felt anger course through me that he thought of Bella as just a possession.

_Because you're so much better?_

It was true that I coveted that I couldn't have.

My gaze travelled to Holly as she laughed happily at something Emmett had said.

She fit with my family so well, when we were around her it was easy to forget that we were monsters among men. She sparked our humanity and kept it glowing. If only she knew she sparked something so much more in me. I took another breath of her scent and felt the heat building in me. It was a feeling that was still so new to me. I thought it would lose its power over me once I spent more time with her, but today and every other day it was just as potent as when I first stepped into her room. The only difference now was that I expected the thrill it gave me. Just like I expected the burn that scorched my throat when I was near Bella. The strength of the effect never eased but my control over it increased.

_Cool it Edward, I don't think the principal would be too thrilled if I got it on with Alice in the food hall._

Jasper's thoughts warned me to distract myself. He had been very good to me recently. No jokes or hints to Emmett about my raging hormones. The way Holly's curves sent my mind into a frenzy.

_Edward!_

I ducked my head and tried to clear my mind.

I didn't know Holly's real reason for spending the month with us. She had said to experience life on our side, but I sensed there was more to it. Not that I was complaining, over the past few weeks I had felt more alive, more human than I had since my change. She made me happy.

The bell would ring soon; I took one more glance at Bella Swan.

So she was the girl that was supposed to make the rest of my eternity happy? I hadn't really talked to her, not that I told Holly that. She seemed so set on this idea of me and Bella. I thought it was possible for me to at least talk to Bella, if it made Holly happy.

Isn't that what friends do? Make their friends happy?

Then again friends didn't think about their friend the way I thought of Holly.

I sighed and waited for Holly to finish eating her snack, rushing the last bite into her mouth as the bell rang. She stood up and reached for her bag, turning to me with a bright smile on her face. I couldn't help but mirror it.

Why was it that her smile could light up the room? That it brought such a beautiful melody to my mind every time it lit her face.

Why was it that her silent mind frustrated me whilst when I had been unable to read Bella's it was merely inconvenient?

I hoped that like Bella Holly's mind would open up to me eventually. I smiled at the memory of that day, when Bella's silent mind had started to change into strange gurgling sounds whenever I looked at her. Finally becoming clear but quiet thoughts.

"Come on bio buddy." Holly pulled me forward, her weak strength gripping my bicep and pulling on my jumper. She was so eager to get to class I had to chuckle. She'd taken the whole new girl situation in her stride, but I should have expected it. She shone with a quiet confidence that captured people's attention without her even realising.

As we walked to biology I listened to the thoughts of those around me. They all focussed on the pair of us. Boys were curious about Holly, finding the idea of a shiny new girl a valid reason to fantasise. It sickened me the way they thought of her. But what was worse was that I was no better than them.

Jealousy shot through me as Holly nodded and smiled at Connor. I had no reason to be jealous but I moved a little closer to Holly anyway.

We were some of the first to class. It didn't surprise me, most waste as much time as possible continuing their conversations in the corridors.

I sat quietly next to her pushing the way her scent made me feel to the back of my mind. She was doodling on her notepad, swirls and shapes.

I loved to watch her draw, the way her brown hair fell over her shoulder creating a sleek tumble of waves. Her face was always so calm when she indulged her creative side, her full soft pink lips pouted, parted slightly whilst her eyes focussed on her drawing.

A few more people entered the room and I watched intently as she bit down on her bottom lip, a nervous habit that had me enraptured every time it happened.

She may have been more relaxed than her first day but every new class seemed to bring a flutter of nerves with it. I tore my eyes away from the sight of her lip caught between her teeth; she would be repulsed if she knew the ideas in my head that her innocent actions created.

I instead focussed once more on the thoughts of those who were entering the room. Any distraction was best.

I chuckled as every boy's eyes lit up at the sight of Holly sitting there, then their thoughts quickly became disappointed at my presence next to her. I liked the fact I scared them off coming to say hi.

"What?" Holly's voice rang clearly in my eyes. Her English accent was soft and a nice change to the whining tone of Jessica.

I couldn't tell her the real reason for my amusement so I bent the truth a little.

"It seems you're the new toy. All the boys are positively buzzing to see you in their class." Her blush made her cream skin glow with a pretty pink colour on the apple of her cheeks. The monster in me didn't roar at the pooling of blood beneath her silky skin. That was another thing I loved about being near Holly. I could almost forget I was damned to hell.

Her eyes glanced down at her sitting form, as if fashionable clothes were the only reason for the attention. She didn't see that she could capture anyone's attention whether she wore designer outfits or a bin bag. That imagery reminded me of Holly's Onesie. I repressed the laugh that the image brought.

Two sets of footsteps neared our desk, and I knew the couple they belonged to. Mike's were regular whilst Bella were a mix of stumbling and shuffling. Mike left Bella and headed to his seat as the Teacher started setting up his things.

I tensed in my seat as the 2 scents attacked me from both sides. Bella's made the monster in me roar to life, clawing at his iron cage whilst Holly's made my veins spark.

I sat there between the 2 feeling all kinds of frustration.

Focusing desperately on calming my body. I felt a gentle nudge from Holly and turned to see her staring at Bella.

_Edward, say something to her you idiot!_

I rolled my eyes at the request, talking to Bella wasn't really on my immediate to do list.

_You know what is on your to do list...Holly_

I turned towards Bella and cleared my throat, if talking to her would stop me thinking of Holly it was probably a good idea. Plus Holly would love it. I smiled a little at this and started the conversation which no doubt would be one sided.

"Good morning, Bella." I saw her jump at my voice.

She looked at me with shock in her doe eyes. I watched her face and heard her mind start to slowly form a response.

She was pretty in a simple way. Dark mahogany hair set against pale ivory skin that was almost translucent. Her blush seduced the monster in me. She was the perfect vulnerable victim and the monster fell in love with her almost instantly.

"Uh hello, Edward. How are you?" Finally an answer. I couldn't blame her, whenever she looked at me her mind went into a muddled spin.

"I'm very well thank you, Bella. I take it you've met my friend Holly." I turned towards Holly to find her beaming. I liked that I had made her happy, even if it meant talking to the girl that made my throat light with fire.

I could hear the faint mumblings of Bella, something about a fag hag. Whatever that was.

"Yeah we met in French on Monday, I think you're in my home tech and history class as well?" Holly's voice was filled with happiness, but Bella still didn't seem too impressed with the idea that I had a female friend.

I glanced at Bella and saw her wipe a glare of her face replacing it with a dazed smile.

The teacher was about to start and turned to face the front, listening to Holly's legs swing back and forth. Obviously happy at mine and Bella's conversation, if you could call it that.

I completed the work quickly and waited patiently for Holly to finish.

I could hear Bella rushing through the answers so that she would have a chance to talk to me. I'd only said a few words to her, and she was already thrilling at the idea that Jessica's rumour might not be true.

Holly and Bella finished around the same time so I sat torn between the 2 of them. I wanted to talk to Holly but she would want me to talk to Bella.

Right on cue I heard Holly.

_Edward, talk to her, get to know her. You've got nothing to worry about. It's not like you'll hurt her. You're used to her scent now. I know she seems quiet but she really is a lovely girl._

It was true I was used to her scent now, and I was sure she was a lovely girl. No one ever thought anything bad about her.

I took a look at Bella.

I could love her, it was a possibility. Even just sitting here I enjoyed indulging myself in her scent. It was like a drug, but did I want to slip into addiction?

Perhaps I could just see how it went. She didn't thrill me like Holly, but with Holly I had another problem to deal with. Bloodlust could be quenched with hunting. Pure lust was harder to solve.

I huffed and turned to Bella watching her face light up at my attention. Why didn't Holly ever do that?

Why did it bother me that she didn't?

I made light conversation with Bella, learning about her mother and step father, the move, her first few days in Forks. It wasn't an easy conversation, and I found myself asking her what she thought about the weather of all things. I often caught Bella throwing glances at Holly, the tenor of her mind showing a competitive side.

I nodded and smiled and asked polite questions until the end of class, but my heart wasn't in it. As the bell rang I sighed and turned to gather my things to my surprise Holly was already rushing out the door.

_Have fun with Bella at lunch._

It looked like I would be spending more time than first expected with Bella.

The monster roared happily.

"Edward, you're not seriously considering that girl, are you? I thought when you finally came out of the dark ages you'd pick someone actually worth it." Rosalie had made her thoughts on Bella very clear.

I had taken to talking more often to Bella just to indulge the monster in his addiction. She was an interesting girl, not as shallow and one dimensional as some of her fellow classmates. However that said she hadn't yet sparked a real interest in me. I didn't find myself yearning for her looks or smiles. Her silence didn't make my curiosity itch. Music didn't form in my mind when her eyes met mine.

She didn't inspire me the way Holly had said she would.

She didn't inspire me like Holly did.

It wasn't just me that felt the change she caused, my whole family had.

Jasper enjoyed her company and the rest bite her scent gave him. He was more the charismatic character he was when we were at home. He no longer had self-deflating thoughts of being the family's weakest link.

I came back to the present, Rosalie still ranting about Bella and her lack of substance.

"Rosalie, I'm just sitting with her at lunch now and then, nothing more."

She huffed and I turned to make my way upstairs.

"You know she wouldn't like it if she found out about this." Rosalie's tone made my body fill with anger.

"I'm going to my room, Rosalie." I hissed and rushed upstairs.

But like Rosalie knew, it wasn't my room I entered it was Holly's She was in a deep sleep her curvaceous body twisted in sheets as her hair fanned out on the pillow. The simple cotton pyjama's she wore were wrapped around her body. The top was pulled up to reveal her slim waistline that disappeared into the covers. I went over to her desk where the sketch book lay. I loved to see her drawings, not that she showed me them often.

My eyes settled on scenes and doodles, some were from today: Bella and I sitting smiling at each other in the food hall, no one else in the room but us.

Was this how she saw it?

I felt a twinge of something. Guilt?

I didn't feel the emotions that screamed from the intimate drawing of me and Bella, not when I was with Bella. Was I lying to Holly?

She shifted in her bed, and I placed the sketch back in the exact same place. I knew she didn't like the idea of me seeing her sleep, and I felt like some dirty peeping tom sneaking into her room. Rosalie seemed to think so too.

I pulled the covers back up over her body, leaving the room and shutting the door with a sigh.

I lay on my couch staring out to the black cloudy sky out my window. I didn't know what it was but something was building in me and it tied me to Holly.

The same beautiful melody flowed through my mind, and I grabbed a notepad to write out the new composition. In my head it was so light and happy; it was exactly how Holly made me feel. Perhaps when I played it I could figure out this feeling inside me. I hoped so because I couldn't understand the emotion and the strength of it scared and thrilled me in equal measure.

Once I had the bare bones of the composition down on paper I actually felt excited to finish it and headed downstairs. Holly would be up in a couple of hours. That thought made a smile light my face.

Whatever it was that I felt for Holly, even if I didn't understand it, I'd never smiled so much in my existence.


	6. The Crash

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's note: so there's a little bit I was going to put in Shooting the Moon but didn't other than that this is the accident scene from chapter 11. Give me your thoughts at the end, I've grown a little addicted to reviews :P**

Music pounded through the house. I could hear Alice and Holly dancing around in Alice's room. The others were out hunting but I had chosen to stay behind. I had hunted last night and a few days before that.

With spending so much time with Bella at school my thirst was insatiable, no animal blood could fully satiate it. I had only been close to Bella Swan for a couple of weeks, sitting with her at lunch whilst she talked about her family or her life back in Phoenix. During those weeks I had merely listened to be polite whilst the monster in me hung on her every word.

I would try not to watch Holly from across the hall, sitting with my family as she giggled and joked. But as I was weak to deny the monster his addiction, I was too weak of will to keep my eyes from wandering to Holly. I missed her smile. The one my family was graced with everyday while I sat with Bella. I found it odd that I could have her in my house, see her every day in school, and still miss her for those few moments I wasn't close by.

It was with this longing that I made my way up from the living room, the music getting louder as I reached the top of the stairs. I could hear the two of them dancing, their footfalls light and rhythmic on the carpet floor.

Their laughter pulled me closer, that chance to see her smiling too much to pass up.

The song changed to something I hadn't yet heard, but I recognised the voice.

Britney Spears.

My Holly listened to Britney Spears. I chuckled a little at that thought. I would never have predicted that, but then again that's what I loved about Holly. She was unpredictable.

The song played out the lyrics provocative and the tempo upbeat.

I had seen Holly dance once, and it had captivated me. Even if it was just a gentle sway of her curvaceous body. I was intrigued to see what she looked like when she really moved.

I knocked lightly on the door, only Alice would hear it.

Entering the room the vibrations from the music hit me. I stood in the doorway taking in the sight in front of me.

Holly faced away from me; her hips rolled and dipped in the time with the music. Her hands wound into the air only to slowly trace the curves I needed to touch on their way down.

Alice looked at me with amusement and I cleared my throat in shame of being caught ogling Holly.

Holly spun to face me and a bright smile lit her face. She bounced towards me, grabbing my hands.

_Show me your moves, Eddie boy._

Her thoughts were persuasive and she tugged at my shirt to move me into the room. I wouldn't budge; I couldn't bear to be much closer without being able to touch her. To swap the skimming movements she did with her hands for lusting touches of my own.

"What song is this?" I said whilst shaking my head at Holly.

The lyrics still pounded my eardrums as she swung her hair round, flashing her slender neckline.

"3 by Britney Spears, care to take a guess what it's about." Her voice was teasing. I knew exactly what it was about and it only made it worse hearing it whilst Holly moved in front of me.

I smirked at her. "I never would have thought you were a Britney fan." I had to distract myself from the unwitting seductress in front of me.

"Well this is one of those songs I like to shake it to." Holly grinned.

"I shall I'll leave you girls to it then." ...before I pin you to the bed and never let you go.

Alice had been quiet between mine and Holly's exchange. As I left the room she gave me a look her eyebrow raised.

_She's quite a dancer isn't she._

I didn't bother with a reply.

That night as I passed Holly's door I heard her muttering and twisting in her bed. Tomorrow would be her last day with us and it was obvious that this last week that she was a little anxious. About what I couldn't understand. Was it because she was going back to her world? Was she sad to miss the few friends she had made here? Did she regret having to go?

I puzzled this as I entered her room, perching on the edge of the bed so I didn't wake her.

Her forehead furrowed as if her dream didn't scare her but left her confused or worried.

I lightly touched her cheek and an image of the melting snow entered my brain.

I chuckled softly. Holly didn't like the wet it would seem.

I left her bedside reluctantly. Like most nights this week I took off for Bella's house. It wasn't so much out of fascination but more that the monster wouldn't let me rest.

Without Holly the pull to be near Bella became irresistible so I indulged my monster with these nightly visits. Soaking up her scent hoping that it might ease the pull.

It never did. Instead each visit forced my addiction to her to new heights and I hated it.

Some dark part of me wanted Bella out of the picture. Without her I would be free.

I wouldn't have to lie to Holly. I could tell her how I felt and know that she wouldn't doubt it because Bella would be gone and there would be nothing for Holly to compare herself to. Even though to me there was no comparison.

I scolded myself for such a dark thought as the ending of Bella's life; she had done nothing to wrong me. She just smelt too good, and I was too weak to deny my monster.

Hours later the sun began to rise and I raced home to Holly, ignoring the roar of the monster inside.

He could claw at me as much as he wanted because Holly's presence would eliminate him completely, until that dreaded moment when Bella would step too close.

Holly, Alice, and I waited at the end of school. She seemed a little on edge, but I let it slide for now, she would tell me if something was wrong. Although I knew she still held information about our future from us, I couldn't bring myself to push her for it. As long as she was safe I would take whatever was thrown at me.

I listened to the thoughts of the people Holly had befriended; a few had given her their mobile number or email address hoping to stay in touch. There were other's that were glad to see the back of her and I had to control the anger at these thoughts. They had no legitimate reason for disliking her except jealousy.

Holly stood unaware next to me chatting with Alice excitedly about the bon fire tonight. I was looking forward to a night with Holly. Like all my time with her I treasured it, her life was too short for me to take the precious moments together for granted.

I looked around the car lot and saw the eyes of Bella Swan set upon me.

_How is he such good friends with her? How did she do it?_

She couldn't seem to see the appeal Holly's nature had for me. I studied her stance, she smiled warmly obviously inviting me to talk to her but I had no urge to leave Holly's side. I looked down at the beauty standing beside me only to see her beaming face meeting mine. No smile could be brighter than Holly's it lit up my world into technicolour.

I felt her nudge me, the brief skin contact giving me a glimpse of what she wanted.

Bella and I talking.

I took off in the direction of Bella, following Holly's wishes, anything to keep those perfect lips turned up in smiles.

"Hello, Bella." I stayed polite as the monster bathed in her scent.

"Oh hi." She smiled shyly a light blush tinting her cheeks. I swallowed the venom that pooled at the sight.

"Have you got plans for the weekend?" I didn't feel relaxed, covertly watching Holly chat with Alice over Bella's shoulder.

"I think a few of us are going to La Push beach, you should come along." Her voice held hope but it was distant in my ears as I heard Holly go to say goodbye to Jessica.

Her walk reflected her personality; long legs took strong steady steps a slight bounce making her hair swing at her back. Her hips swayed gently in a way that was just effortlessly sexy. I felt a smile light my face as I watch her take each step.

She turned to glance at me, those sapphire orbs locking with mine, making the busy lot seem empty. Just me and her, even if the monster refused to let me completely forget Bella's presence.

That's when it all happened. I saw the van's tire pop and a loud bang resonated through the air. The van's steering wobbled, nearly ineffective with the flat tyre causing friction on the road.

In that sickening moment I saw what would happen, even before Holy realised it herself. Fear, anger, pain flew threw me at the idea of the van colliding with Holly's fragile body.

My mind showed me sickening heart breaking images of Holly's lifeless body on the cold tarmac ground. No smile left on her paling lips, no light in her eyes.

I saw the look of horror on Alice's face at the scene in front of her. People were just registering the noise now.

Bella was fixed on me but hadn't yet registered the shock on my face.

My mind was blank of everything but a desperate chant: _not Holly, not Holly, not Holly_.

I could feel my heart shattering as the van neared her. She looked so calm so composed standing in the path of the van. I could hear Tyler's panicked thoughts, but I couldn't find sympathy for him. If he killed Holly he would have killed the one light that flickered in the obsidian darkness of my life. My sun, the reason I survived.

I couldn't take my eyes off her; I couldn't concentrate on anything other than her human form standing like a deer in the headlights.

Her eyes locked with mine for the second time in minutes, and I could see the worry in them, the fear. But something told me it wasn't for herself.

Pain flooded me, the van was a mere metre away and I could do nothing. I was stuck watching the person I loved die before me.

I could hear Alice shouting in her head, panicking at what was happening.

My eyes flickered to her and I saw a decision form. I didn't allow myself to hope, it was too close.

Alice launched herself at Holly, colliding with her, scooping her up and landing her on the tarmac. No one would have seen it; all they would have registered would be Holly diving to the floor.

I flinched when I heard her head hit the ground, fear was all that held me when her still body lay beside the wrecked car. It was all the control I had to stay at human pace, running towards her.

Alice was already at her side stroking the cuts that marred her face.

"HOLLY! Holly! Come on open your eyes! Please!" Alice's eye showed all her worry as she shook slightly with dry sobs.

_I couldn't see, it was so fast. What if I'd not acted in time. I can even think... I hope she's ok, she has to be. I can't lose my sister._

Her mind was a flurry of regret and hope.

"Is she ok? She has to be?" I couldn't control the desperation in my voice, it cracked when I saw Holly's eyes still shut, she hadn't woken up and my mind flew into plans of what to do if she never did. It was drastic but I'd never seen her look so still, so inanimate. The fact her heart beat meant nothing to me. A beating heart didn't mean a person had evaded death.

_Edward, am I dead? Why does my head hurt?_

Her beautiful mind fluttered thoughts into mine and the relief I felt was overwhelming. I could have ran for miles before this feeling wore off.

I hovered over her, checking her body for any sign of harm, breathing in her scent and revelling in just the fact she was alive.

"No you're not dead; you just hit your head as you fell when Alice pushed you out the way. I was so worried."

Her eyes fluttered, and I swam in the intense blue.

Alice was clutching her hand, each pulse of Holly's heart slowly clearing Alice's sobs.

Jasper came up behind Alice, his face showed the worry and relief that mixed within us.

"I didn't know if I could save you, but I had to try. You looked so helpless." Alice went to the waiting arms of Jasper as I stayed crouched next to Holly. I just wanted to hold her to me, to feel her heartbeat reverberate through my chest.

She whispered a thanks to Alice and my mood dropped a little. It should have been me to save her. I should have found a way, instead of standing pretending that the risk of exposure was worth losing Holly over.

The voices and thoughts increased to a crescendo, the paramedics would be here soon. Holly would be safe. I leant away focussing on that thought. She had survived, and I would make sure no harm ever came to her again.

The time in the hospital was irritating, the paramedics moved to slow, she had to wait longer than she should have to be seen and when she finally did she acted as if it was no big deal.

Did she have no idea how much it would have destroyed me to lose her? She acted as if she were just replaceable.

I sat focussing on my self-loathing thoughts as we made our way home, my family members knew how I felt and so let me wallow.

The image of Holly's dead body haunted me all the way home. I just wanted to feel her, to hold her in my arms and feel her warmth. To know she was real, that she was alive and well.

For the first time since meeting Holly, I thought of her death and the idea scared me to the core. I would lose her one day but when that day came I comforted myself with the fact I wouldn't be far behind.

Life wouldn't be worth living if my sun didn't shine.


	7. Making Sweet Music

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's note: This is kind of the second half of Chapter 10. The Piano scene.**

Piano notes filled the air as my fingers drifted effortlessly across the keys. I had spent hours perfecting this melody.

Hours trying to capture everything I felt for Holly into a form that I understood.

Music was a universal language and no matter how many foreign dialects I learnt, nothing could translate the meaning of something as well as music.

Whether the method be lyrics or notes. This was something me and Holly seemed to share a love of. Submerging ourselves into the world the artist had created even just for a minute of 2.

I hoped that when I played this for Holly, I could truly translate the things within me into something I could comprehend. A language that would register.

I heard her stir in her bed, she would wake up soon. Her eyes would be blurry as they always are and her hair would be that wonderful mess of curls and kinks.

Alice may disagree but to me Holly's beauty always seemed so effortless even when she woke in twisted nightwear, sleep still in her eyes.

I loved my best friend and so that is how I justified my aversion of the complete truth. That it wasn't truly love that held me to Bella Swan these past days but more a weakness of mind. The monster in me loved her scent too much to let me settle. It revelled in her company and so I let it. It was easier than battling with the raging thirst.

Only with Holly did I truly get rest bite, as soon as she disappeared my addiction rose with vengeance.

So even though I knew it was wrong to let Holly assume I had fallen for the Swan girl, I couldn't find it in me to correct her. She seemed so thrilled with the idea. I didn't want to disappoint her or let her down. I didn't want to wipe away that smile that I was fast starting to live for.

Her footsteps padded down the stairs; soon I heard the toaster pop and the sound of her sighing at the taste of the butter and bread in her mouth.

I softly played a simple tune that had been inspired by the meadow I had discovered. My place of solace and peace.

A knock at the door shortly followed and I smiled as I welcomed her into the room.

Her scent soon flooded the air around me and I revelled in the feeling.

Her arm wrapped around me and I tried not to tense at the hot contact against me, not focussing on the feel of her chest pressed to my back.

I cleared my depraved thoughts and patted the bench beside me.

I wanted to show her her melody, show her what she meant to me even if I couldn't quite put it into words.

I opened the floodgates and poured everything I felt into the keys. Letting the tune not just be played but be felt.

It was sweet, happy, light, and playful but beneath it there were seductive notes that I almost hoped she didn't notice. The building sway of the music into a crescendo that seemed so rich and all consuming I finally felt what my heart had kept from my head. As the song ended on a note of the unknown I turned to Holly the pure emotion shining in my eyes. I could feel it almost glow out of me.

The reason why I wanted her happiness.

The reason why her smiles lit up my world.

The reason why the idea of life without her seemed bleak and sedimentary.

I love my best friend and I was lucky enough to be _in_ love with her as well.

Her eyes shone with that vibrant happy emotion that seemed to consume her. Understanding seeming the ring in her posture and body language.

_It's beautiful, Edward, thank you for playing it to me._

In that moment I felt like my chest might explode with the strength of emotion pounding in my dead unbeating heart.

But what do I do now?

It knew how I felt but how did I tell her? How did I change this friendship into something so much more?

I needed to show her how much I wanted her, how she sent electricity flying through my veins just by standing close to me.

Removing my hands from the keys I made my way behind her.

I couldn't rush her into this. With the intensity of the feelings pounding in my chest I feared it could scare her.

I lightly grasped her hands and placed them on the ivory keys that had been the sheers to break the lock on my heart.

I gave into the desire to touch her, running my fingertips up along her slender arms watching fascinated as goose bumps rose on her skin. I felt that lustful fire burning in me, the heat of her skin permeating through me. Soaking into my bones.

"Play for me." It was a mere whisper. It was all I could manage without revealing the dark desire that hid in my voice.

_I will as soon as you let me concentrate. Now quit with the vampire voodoo._

I chuckled but inside my nerve endings were crackling at the idea that I made her lose her concentration.

I ruffled her hair and smiled, placing myself next to her so I could study her face.

It seemed like I had never really seen her as she was now. As if all those moments spent with her now dimmed in comparison to the possibility of our future together. I was smitten and I could bring myself to care.

I watched her become at one with the song, it was simple but well composed. The cadence of the melody and the timing suggested it was a song from the era of the second world war. Like one of those piano songs played to ease the soldiers troubles. It was supposed to be happy but the emotion on Holly's face showed otherwise.

Her hair fell forward obstructing my view of those expressive eyes. I lightly brushed it back and shocked when images of an old jovial lady entered my mind.

_I miss her so much_. Holly's voice wasn't directed at me, instead I found myself within her mind for just a second. Sad emotions surrounding the smiling face of the old woman.

"How did she die?" I had never known about this woman, never met her or heard Holly talk about her.

"Heart failure, she missed my Granddad greatly. He died on Christmas Eve, one year later she passed away. Mum says she died from a broken heart." Her voice became choked, and I felt pain flow through me. The idea of someone such as Holly having to endure such a loss hurt, I didn't like the tears that stained her delicate face.

I wiped away the moisture and tried not to show my surprise as again I found Holly's mind no longer silent. Images of hospitals, ambulances, tears, and a coffin filled my head.

As the tears dried up I watched as the images faded and muffled leaving nothing but dark space. My hand still rested on her cheek, but I swiftly pulled it away. Now wasn't the time to reveal my feelings to Holly. It would seem insensitive.

"But I didn't deliberately think that to you? How did you know about it?"

I tried to think of a reason and a possible explanation came to mind.

"Well I have a theory of my own. I can't hear you usually, unless you think something at me. That is what we first understood. However I have noticed something. When I'm in contact with you. Skin to skin. I can hear you. Not just what you direct at me, but the thoughts that pass through your mind. Just like any other person. They're not as loud as other thoughts but they're there sometimes they become very muffled as if you block them off, like now. The only explanation I have for it, is that when I touch you, you become more real to this world. To my world. I can feel you and so I know you're real and not just an illusion. My brain reassures itself that your here and so my ability works as normal. As for when they become muffled I can only assume you pull your thoughts from the surface of your mind. Taking them further into you. Like how an object can be seen on the surface of a pool but gradually disappears as it sinks deeper "

I saw her rearranging this information in her head. She always liked to understand, to have reasons and facts rather than just the primary information. It was one of the many things I loved about her.

Loved. It seemed so strange to finally acknowledge it, to be so unaware for all this time and suddenly just accept that I did indeed love Holly.

I wanted to know everything about her, to feel her mind tumble into mine.

I picked up her dainty hands and held them softly in my own. The rush that hit me was exquisite. I saw my face in her mind. The shining delight of my presence in her life.

I felt the strong resounding joy it sent through me. If only I knew that the heights this thrill took me would only make the coming fall so much more painful.

Mine and Bella's face came into view. And this also showed the same delight. The idea of us filled Holly with jubilation.

I felt my once glowing heart dim.

The pain that her happiness relied on me staying her friend hurt more than I thought possible. To have the opportunity of real love ripped from me by my own stupidity and weakness angered me. If I hadn't felt into the abyss Bella's scent created, if I had fought better to control the monster in me and stayed away from Bella I could still have had a chance with Holly.

I dropped her hands unable to take the image of me and Bella anymore.

"The idea of me and Bella makes you happy doesn't it." I watched her face hoping for some kind of flicker to show that it was just a front. That she wanted me the way I wanted her.

I barely felt her hand on my cheek as the sadness consumed me, eating up the glow that the love of her had created.

_Your story is one that in my world made millions of people happy and gave them that little bit of hope that love can overcome all difficulties. I can't explain to you the feeling that I get when I see you both together. I'm the luckiest girl alive to have you as a friend Edward and I'm beyond happy knowing that one of my closest friends is in love._

I had to take what I could. I made her happy, and although the word friend stung a little, at least it meant I was in her life.

These things I clung to as I hugged her close to me.

I loved her too much to lose her and if sacrificing my happiness was what was needed to keep her with me and keep that smile on her face I could do it. Perhaps someday I would be given a chance to decide my own destiny, but right now I was following the one Holly directed me onto.

My twisted destiny with Bella Swan.

Because for Holly Jules I would walk through fire.

**Author's note:**

**So Edward has finally discovered his feelings **** shame Holly is still completely in the dark.**

**xxx**


	8. The Party

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: This was harder to write than I thought it would be, so I hope it is up to scratch.**

**xxx**

It had been 4 days since I had last seen Holly and it had seemed a very long 4 days.

Several times I had itched to pass through the portal and see her. Just a little glimpse to make sure she was alright but my family stopped me each time.

It was the Christmas holidays and they said Holly deserved to have that time spent with her family and friends without us interrupting her.

Of course we knew Holly would welcome us with open arms but it was because of this that we thought it best to give her some space. It was fine to spend time with her when her friends were away but to take Holly's time away from them seemed unkind. They didn't see her often and it was obvious she missed them terribly.

However now my family weren't around, and I could finally give in to the itch and see Holly.

I could remember the early morning visit her and her sister made to thank us for the presents. Holly and Ashleigh were completely opposites and it showed when they came through the portal. Ashleigh burst through into the room like a whirlwind claiming attention off everyone and anyone there whilst Holly just stood quietly waiting for her sister to calm herself.

Ashleigh may have caught my attention when she thrust her hand under my nose but Holly held it, as always, with that quiet smile playing on her lips.

I had already been trying to think of a way of seeing Holly over the holidays but I had been cornered into seeing the Denali's. It's hard to describe the absolute relief when Holly uttered those uncertain words of invitation. It had taken all the social etiquette I had been taught not to jump at the invitation.

I still felt the excitement of the invitation now as I stood watching the clock tick away each minute till I could step through the portal.

Holly had said 8 o'clock and it was currently 7.59. Is it rude to be a minute early? Is it better to be a minute early than a minute late?

I had never questioned myself so much as I had with Holly these past few months. Being unable to hear her mind made me constantly analyse her body language and how my actions may come across.

Tonight would be the ultimate gift to me, to be able to see Holly in her own environment, socialising with friends. I hoped that it would give me a better understanding of how she acted with me.

I needed that understanding because there was something that sparked every now and then between me and Holly. Sometimes it was over so fast I wasn't even certain it happened. However it was this spark that led me to hope that maybe there could be something between me and Holly. That maybe she didn't just see me as a friend.

I took the step between our worlds.

As soon as I entered into her room I could smell the all consuming scent of her mixed with the zingy scent of her sister. It was interesting how their scents seemed to match their personalities perfectly. Ashleigh was the one that wanted the attention and her scent did that on first meeting but it didn't hold the same lasting effect as Holly's.

Holly was standing with her back to me, and I saw Ashleigh was giving her the approval she looked for. I knew she had confidence in who she was as a person, but it didn't seem to extend to her looks. I'd never understand how she could doubt her own beauty, but then again I was biased because I would never really see any other girl except Holly. She was the very centre of my universe.

"Fab-U-Lous!" Ashleigh beamed at Holly and I saw her shoulders relax.

I took in her outfit choice.

She stood tall in simple but expensive looking velvet heels. The height of them would make her just 5 inches below me instead of the usual nine. My wicked soul focussed on the fact that her lips would be 4 inches closer to mine than usual.

I let my eyes trace up her long lean legs, the lust in me pulsing at the expanse of the luscious, smooth, ivory skin. I wondered what it would be like to have those legs wrapped around you, to palm the skin on her thigh. I snapped out of that train of thought before my mind became just a haze of Holly.

Her dress was simple like her shoes – a sumptuous, dark violet velvet. The colour showed off her skin tone to perfection and the cut followed every one of her slender curves on her hourglass shape. I knew how soft the velvet would feel under my skin but that didn't stop me from wanted to skim my hands over her waist. A mass of golden brown waves rippled down her back but didn't distract from the low scoop of the dress that showed the contours of her back, the elegant movements her shoulder blades made as she shifted slightly in front of Ashleigh. I could see her Holly bracelet dangling on her dainty wrist and I instantly flickered my eyes to her jewellery box where I knew her new necklace would be housed. It would match her outfit and I had an idea to test my friend theory.

A second had yet to pass and so I spoke. I wanted to see her face, for if the outfit was stunning from behind it would be breathtaking from the front, her angelic face shining with her bright smile.

"I agree."

She spun to face me and her scent increased in intensity around me as the fresh wave muddled my senses.

Her hair lifted in the air as she turned, revealing her delicate neck before caressing the skin there as it landed.

I watched her eyes travel down my body as I took in her face. Ashleigh had done well.

Holly's eyes sparkled with the subtle make up and her lips looked irresistible with just a faint gloss on their surface. Her natural beauty was still present, but it was enhanced. She looked older than she usually did but not in a bad way. She looked sophisticated and unbelievably alluring.

She was taking her time checking me over; it was like she was studying me to make sure I was suitable to take out. I liked the fact that she didn't just drool over me like all the other girls I had met. She was different to them. But there was definitely a part of me that wanted just a little reaction from her, even if it was just a slight dilation of her pupil. Just something to tell me I wasn't destined to suffer from unrequited love. Not that it would ever stop me from loving her but I hoped beyond everything that I could have a happy ending like my siblings.

Her striking blue eyes met mine and it was like swimming the crystal blue ocean. A look of calm and determination entered her eyes and I waited for the verdict.

"You'll do."

My face lit with a smile. She had accepted me. The thought that I was worthy of meeting her friends, the people so close to her, was an amazing feeling.

I went back to my earlier train of thought and collected her necklace from the counter.

Now for my test.

"There's just one thing missing." I made my way to stand behind her as she moved her hair out the way. I felt my body fire up with the intimacy of the action. That gentle slope of her neck was just begging to me caressed and kissed.

I slipped the cold necklace around her neck and saw it settle perfectly on her bust.

I couldn't help but take a glimpse of the glorious sight below my eyes, the fullness of her chest fitted snugly into her dress forming a cleavage that sent my mind into a flurry of wicked thoughts. I had the strong urge to just bury myself in her ample flesh and never leave. To just worship her skin till she called out in ecstasy.

I felt her body tense as my fingertips brushed against her collarbone. Goosebumps rising steadily in the wake of my touch. It was in that moment that I felt a spark between us and heard her heart skip a beat.

Just a little stutter that gave me so much hope and joy. That little stutter that sent a thrill me through my marble figure.

I went to admire the necklace.

"There perfect." That spark had given me new hope, and I let everything I felt burn though me - saturating every molecule in my being.

I could feel a bubble of tension surrounding us and Holly's eyes stayed with mine for a moment longer than they ever had. I wished I could hear what was passing through her mind because her eyes showed a million emotions all vying for dominance. I wanted to know why there was sadness, confusion and guilt there but more than that I wanted to know if the love, lust and curiosity were really mine to have.

"Thank you." Her voice wasn't as strong as it usually was, and I wondered if I had had shown her too much. If the strength and depth of my emotions had scared her off wanting to be around me.

I panicked as we walked slowly down the stairs. We had reached the front door in near silence and I wanted the tension to be burst. I didn't welcome it anymore. It was scaring rather than thrilling me. My mind started to twist what I thought was sexual tension into awkward discomfort. Ashleigh disrupted us and I was never more grateful.

"Have fun guys, Edward, don't let her get drunk. She might do something she'll regret, like Jack." I saw Holly cringe as we stepped into the cold night air, and I cursed the fact I didn't have a jacket to offer her. Of course I didn't miss the mention of a boy named Jack and the reference to a connection between him and Holly.

"Who's Jack?" I kept my voice playful, though my mood wasn't nearly as light.

I burned with the need to know what he was to her. What if she was already in love? Could I cope with losing her to another man? My dead heart said never but my mind reasoned with cold hard logic: you can't lose something you never had.

"Jack is someone you have to save me from. Just make sure he's not near me at midnight because I do not want his lips anywhere near me." She gave a light shiver and I thought that perhaps it wasn't just from the cold.

An idea came to me.

"OK consider me you're knight in shining armour." That gave me a reason to be near her all night. An idea I very much liked.

"Oh honey, I already do." her tone and sarcasm were so very Holly and I laughed, pleased that the tension was gone and she was back to her teasing self.

We continued to walk along in the icy dark winter night. I didn't know where we were going but I could distinctly hear music piercing into the night. It was loud, a lot louder than any party I had ever attended. I felt a wave of apprehension spread through me.

I had never really tried to fit in with humans but now I needed to. For Holly. I worried if I was going to be able to.

We finally reached a large black door and there was a buzz of static and whispers in my mind. It wasn't the raging torrent of consciousness that ran through my mind in my world. I could barely block out those thoughts but these thoughts would be much easier to ignore.

The door burst open and a rush of smells, noises and sights filled my senses.

Alcohol, food, perfume, sweat and aftershave flooded my sense of smell.

The pulsing sound of modern music drifted on the air along with the chatter of people's voices and multiple footfalls played on my ears.

My eyes took in the low lighting of the house and the small pockets of people stood in the hallway.

No matter what this night brought I knew it would be an experience.

A girl the same age as Holly bounded towards us. She was in a bright but clashing outfit with her blond hair in short bouncing curls. Her blue eyes were blurry with alcohol but I didn't feel the same disgust as I would have usually. Purely because she was Holly's friend and if she was good enough for her, who was I to judge.

"HOLLLLYYY! You're here! Isn't this sooo cool." The girl spoke with a wide smile on her face. I couldn't discern her scent properly but it was sunny but had a quirky twist of liquorice.

The girl launched herself at Holly and I watched as they embraced in complete comfort. She didn't have to worry about breaking Holly's bones.

"Hey" Holly said considerably less energetically.

"OOOOOOOHHHH You've brought a frriiieennnd!" The girl spun from Holly and flung herself into my arms. The heat off her body soaked through my skin but I didn't relax at the feel of it. I was in shock of her sudden actions. I wasn't used to humans being so comfortable around me. What if she realised something was wrong with the way I felt.

No sooner had she leapt at me did she jump back.

"Jesus you're FREEZING!" She shrieked.

"Sorry it's very cold outside" she didn't need to know that the temperature outside in fact matched my own.

I smiled that she had accepted my lie and accepted me into her home. Any man would know that if you could earn the trust of a girl's best friends it could be the point that tipped the scale in your favour.

I watched the girl's eyes glaze over a little and I tuned into her thoughts.

_He looks like a god, I'd like a bit of him spread on a cracker. I'd eat that boy up. Yummmm crackers. I'm hungry. When did I last eat? God I can't remember maybe that's why I'm so drunk. Maybe he's not even real_

She double checked glancing over me before turning to Holly.

"He's very sexy; I might have to jump him later"

Another rush of night air hit me and the girl, bounced round us to greet them.

"Come on I'll introduce you to the girls" Holly walked slightly in front of me and I tried not to pay too much attention to the way her hips swayed under the palm of my hand. If I just slipped my hand a little lower I could feel that wonderful rear.

_Stop it stop it stop it_

I repeated in my head battling with the urge that filled my muscles.

I felt a little sadness as she stepped away from me towards a group of girls. I missed the feel of her instantly.

"I'll have a cosmopolitan, girls!" Holly called and the girls turned instantly. These were her girls. The ones that she talked about so often.

I got fixed with an odd feeling, like meeting a legend.

"Now the party can start!" one girl said but I was more aware of a small dark haired girl who had her gaze fixed on me. She had an exotic look about her and I could see in her mind that she took the game of seduction very seriously. Her mind in fact was similar to Tanya's filled with her past conquests and what a prize I would be.

"Oh yeah girls this is Edward. Edward this is Rianna, Sara, Beth, Jemma and you've met Shevron already. They're my closest friends and the best partier's on the planet" Holly pointed each girl out to me. Rianna was the exotic one is a figure fitting black dress. She was pretty and I could see how she would appeal to the boys of this generation but she didn't have the spark Holly had.

Her scent was a simple scent of spiced plums. Her thoughts were predatory and filled with the thrill she would get from winning me over. Though I also saw in her mind that her conquests were purely to boost her self esteem, which seemed to be closely linked with the attention she received from boys.

Next my eyes fell on Sara and her shock of vibrant red hair and kind grey eyes. Her thoughts were a battle between my good looks and a boy she was obviously very much in love with. I caught a stray thought that showed a maternal care for Holly. She wanted Holly to have what she had with her boyfriend. I liked the idea that she thought I could be the man to give Holly what she deserved.

Beth's thoughts were in a complete rush but I felt uneasy when I saw my face repeat through her mind mixed with images from the media. She seemed almost certain that she knew me but kept repeating to herself that it was just her imagination.

Jemma just studied me carefully with her green eyes. I couldn't get a clear read on her, static interrupted her thoughts now and then but the gist was similar to the thoughts most females had about me.

After a millisecond I saw each expression match. Their eyes glazed over and their mouths slackened ever so slightly.

"It's nice to meet all of you, Holly has told me a lot about you."

Jemma sighed at the sound of my voice and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

Rianna's mind fixed on me. "It's very nice to meet you, Edward." she said in what I suspected was her seductive voice.

I felt her touch burn my skin through my shirt as she dragged her fingertips across my chest. I was used to girls being so forward but it shocked me that she would disregard that I was here with Holly. I was, effectively, Holly's date.

_She can be a little aggressive when she sees something she wants._

I chuckled, that was an understatement going off Rianna's thoughts.

I stayed close to Holly for the majority of the first hour or two but I soon found myself relaxing into the experience. I didn't want Holly to feel like she had to stay with me all night. I could see her itching to dance with her girls, and if I was honest I wanted to have the chance to see her completely drop her guard.

I walked through the crowded hallway my mind relatively quiet given the large number of people in the house. Each girl watched me with a look of intrigue but I didn't introduce myself. There was only one girl that occupied my mind and she was busy talking with her friends.

I walked into the back room when I heard a conversation that interested me. I had spent months with Holy listening to music, I may as well put some of my newly acquire tastes and knowledge to good use.

"I was well disappointed with the new Arctic monkey's album. I mean what happened to them? Remember that classic they made and now its lost all its buzz." A boy with auburn curly hair and a lanky frame was talking animatedly to a group.

I leant against the doorframe listening to their conversation.

"You can't say 'crying lightning' isn't good and they were pretty immense at Leeds." A dark haired guy commented and a few other nodded. Holly had been at Leeds but she never told me much about it. She'd clam up after the basics.

"You were at Leeds? Any good?" I asked, and it got the groups attention. The boys looked me over, and I heard the mix of self pity and jealousy in their thoughts.

"Yeah was awesome. You're here with Holly right?" The auburn haired boy spoke to me.

"Yeah. I'm Edward." He got up to shake my hand.

"Luke and you've got Sam, Tom, and Jonny." He pointed out the group and they shifted for me to join them on the large black leather sofa.

"So how do you know Holly?" I couldn't give up the chance to learn as much as possible about the girl I loved.

"Just from school, went to Leeds with her though." Tom chuckled and the others joined in. I could only get faint blurry sights of an event. It made my curiosity burn at my brain. I wanted to ask them, but I wasn't sure how Holly would feel about me asking her friends about her.

"Sam, remember that time when you guys were going to see The Fratellis? Pure awesome." Tom spoke and Sam's face split into a grin.

"How can I forget? That guy did not look good in a thong. I couldn't believe she did it." A strong image of Holly running in wellies toward a man in a neon pink thong flitted through Sam's mind.

"What did she do?" I was desperate to know how Holly and man in a thong could be linked.

"She only got down and kissed his arse. Got photos and everything. She was mortified when she got back and saw them on facebook." Jonny laughed along with the rest of them. I was in shock, but managed a chuckle.

"She might not have been that loud at school but get her out the classroom and she's a real firecracker!" Sam said.

I sat quietly taking it all in, I knew Holly wasn't a wall flower, but I had a feeling she had a side to her that even I hadn't seen. If she had been able to hide that side of her, what else was she capabl of keeping from me?

"Tell you what, Edward, I've got a feeling she could be a real handful." Jonny winked at me and I saw the dirty thought that ran through his mind. I suppressed a growl. I didn't like idea of him thinking about Holly that way.

"In more ways than one." Tom butted in making hand gestures at his chest. He was referring to Holly's figure, and I felt my blood boil.

I was being hypocritical but I didn't care. They might not know it. Holly might not know it. But she was the girl I was in love with and the idea that these boys thought about her in such a way made my fists clench in anger.

"Hey, hey guys come on. She's Edward's girl, show a little respect." Luke gave me look that showed he saw my anger and I nodded to him in thanks. I couldn't find it in me to care that he had noticed my feelings towards her. If I thought it would mean I had Holly forever I would shout it from the rooftops. Let my emotions pour from me like children to a playground.

There was a pause for a second of silence.

"So you wanna play poker?" Sam spoke and the small amount of awkward tension that had built disintegrated.

"I'll play." I couldn't resist having a little fun with them. Plus Jonny had a rather nice black trilby hat and I felt like a little pay back.

We had been playing for a couple of games, and I had enjoyed the banter that passed between us all. I hadn't ever had any real 'guy' friends other than those that were part of my family.

It was interesting how easily I could fit in with the boys of this generation. Many of them had the say passion for music, though theirs was more for the more recent 'indie' music than the classical melodies that played through my head.

Tom was dealing the cards again.

"So how did you meet Holls?" Sam asked as we each shuffled our cards.

"I play piano and I was at a music store on their grand piano and she came over to listen." Holly and I hadn't really came up with a back story but it seemed believable. We often listened to music together or I'd play for her. I liked nothing more than playing for my Holly. That look on her face when she got lost in the music.

My music.

I savoured the idea that she was getting lost in me every time I played for her.

"So you play piano? You any good?" Luke took an interested look over his cards.

"I've been playing for many years." I knew I was good, but my mother had always taught me not to boast.

"You should play later. Shev's got a piano next door buried somewhere." Luke commented and my interest sparked, I enjoyed playing and the idea that I could do something I understood and loved in this bizarre experience was comforting.

"Well perhaps once I've cleaned you all out. I'll give it a shot." I smirked and the boys chuckled but their thoughts showed their competitive sides coming out.

"Look out lads, oestrogens in the room." Jonny chuckled and I was hit by Holly's scent.

I became painful aware of her presence just behind me, the heat of her body saturating my own.

"I hope you're not using your ability too much. We wouldn't want to be unfair now, would we?" Her soft voice whispered in my ear, her breath caressing my skin like velvet.

I could see the admiring look of the four boys in front of me. I felt rather smug that I had Holly's attention when it was them that craved it.

A grin spread on my face when I heard their thoughts. They wanted her but from what they were seeing she wanted me. I didn't dare to hope that they were right. The very idea that I could have the thing I most desired was almost too much to take. I had a whole new confidence and I revelled in it.

It's fair to say that I left the poker game with Jonny's black trilby hat and Sam's black leather watch though what pleased me was that I won it without using my ability, my Holly would be proud.

Holly had tried to get me to dance with her and the offer was the sweetest kind of temptation but I knew that the very idea of her hips close to mine, her body brushing against mine in rhythmic movements. These things would be too much to resist.

I couldn't chance the risk of letting myself that close to Holly.

Instead I settled on the sofa with the other boys that had denied the girls a dance.

Each one pretended to hold a conversation when in reality their eyes were glued to the erotic movements the girls made to the music. I couldn't help my eyes from watching Holly. She had never seemed so free. It only added to what I had learnt so far this night. Holly was more than what was at the surface, there was so much that she kept buried deep down, so many facets to her personality. I had only experienced a small part of who she was and it was intriguing to know what else I would uncover through my time of knowing her. The new traits I had already discovered had only built the feelings I had for her.

Just the story from Leeds showed she was daring, impulsive, adventurous, and though I forced my mind not to focus on it, just a little bit dirty.

Now as I watched her dancing I found it near on impossible to rip my eyes away from her body. They were stuck to every curve. They dragged along every contour. The followed her every sensual movement and left me to cope with the fire that was gradually burning at the pit of my stomach.

It was in this state of unhinged desire that my body was accosted by a girl in nothing more than gold cling film.

I hadn't noticed her when she approached me but when her body was draped over mine it took every speck of control I had not to throw her from me. Her body was too close to mine, the heat of her skin burnt mine instead of the melting sensation Holly's gave me.

I was repulsed but my old fashioned manners bound me in my place.

The foul acidic smell of hairspray and fake tan drifted off her, clouding her natural scent of white grapes. I felt that my whole body had tensed and for the first time in the night I felt uncomfortable and irritated.

I heard Holly's breath hitch and my eyes flickered towards her.

Her eyes were flashing with fury and I could imagine the flames she would be burning the girl with in her mind.

I felt the girl shift and press herself closer towards me whilst her breath muttered something I didn't care to listen to.

I was too focussed on the wild beauty before me. The anger in Holly only added the spark in her eyes and the delicate flush on her cheeks. She looked like a tigress as she stalked towards her victim and I marvelled at the confidence and dominance she exuded.

It took my covetous thoughts of her to a whole new level.

Holly had approached us but the girl seemed oblivious instead just gazing at me whilst she stretched herself out to me like a buffet.

"Excuse me... You're in my seat." I enjoyed the jealousy in Holly's voice, possibly more than I should have.

"What do you mean? I'm a bit busy here with Edward." The girl's voice was squeaky and piercing in my ears like nails down a blackboard. I hadn't told her my name, but I knew I didn't have to. The girls at the party had been talking about me all night. Everyone except Holly.

"Honey, I think you've gotten busy with half the guys at this party, and like I said you're in my seat. So Beat It!" Holly's voice hissed and it dripped with white hot hate. I was shocked at the confidence in Holly's voice, and I'd never heard her raise her voice in anger.

My girl was definitely no blushing wall flower, she was strong.

The girl's thought were a muddle of embarrassment and defiance.

To my relief embarrassment won out and she scuttled awkwardly from the room whilst Holly watched triumphantly.

An urge to hold her to me and possess her as my own, pulsed through me. She had fought for me, she had been jealous of the girl that sat in my lap and I wanted to show her how much I wanted her as my own.

My arm shot out and pulled her crashing towards me. I didn't have time to worry about the pain I might have caused her, that was a separate train of thought. The only thing that occupied my mind was the proximity of Holly.

The way her legs lay over me looking like ivory silk and begging to me touched. The way her smile lit her face with that innate sparkle in her eyes.

I pulled her closer towards me; I just needed to have her in my arms.

"A little jealous were we?" My voice was just a whisper, the strength of it diminished by the desiring thoughts running through my mind at a million a minute. The image of Holly in the peak of her fury was still very present in my mind and I found amusement in the contrast between that tigress and the playful kitten now in my grasp.

"Not jealous, just looking after your virtue. I'd hate you to be taken advantage off. Such an innocent boy as yourself." Her sweet smile played on her lips and I chuckled at the lie that ran through her speech. I knew I wasn't wrong, she was jealous. Whether it was for the reason I hoped or because she didn't want such a girl spending time with her friend, it was still very much present.

"Well then I guess I should thank you."

I knew the ways I wanted to thank her but I acted none of them out. They weren't suitable for the eyes here. Only a private dark heady room would suffice.

As we sat together amongst the group I could hear the jealous thoughts of the surrounding boys.

Finally Luke persuaded me to show them my piano skills. I had no real desire to leave Holly's side but she was watching her friends dancing with a wistful look on face and so I thought it best to give her a little more time with her.

Then again my brain didn't fail to register that although she had the option to leave her position in my lap at any moment to dance with them, she didn't until I was asked next door. It fuelled my hope that whether she knew it or not, she loved her time with me more than she thought. That maybe hidden like buried treasure there was a spark of love.

I relaxed completely as my fingers flowed over the dusty piano keys. It wasn't as well tuned as my baby grand back home but the feel of it was almost the same. I felt myself transported back to the times Holly had sat beside me as I played. That mysterious far off look that took over her eyes.

I heard none of the compliments that passed from people's mouths and I heard none of the applause that erupted from their clapping hands. All I heard was Holly's strong and steady heartbeat acting as my metronome, the steady beat that I depended upon.

That was how I heard the slight increase in the beats before I heard her worried voice calling my name in my mind. She had my attention instantly.

She was next door, just on the other side of the wall.

I looked towards the door way but it was packed like a bottle neck, people trying desperately to move to the place they wanted to welcome in the New Year. I knew the place and person I wanted to celebrate such an event was but there was no clear path for me to get to her.

I briefly considered blasting through the wall just to have her in my arms when the bell tolled midnight but that frenzied thought was soon replaced with a much more ordered plan.

I could see a small gap in the busy crowd and bolted from the piano to wedge myself through it.

I could hear the countdown begin and I cursed the human eyes that would see me if I used my natural speed.

Heated bodies pressed against me from all sides and the desperation to get to her was only aggravated by the claustrophobic pressure that came from their hot temperature.

I could see her through the crowd and my eyes zeroed in on the way she bit her lip in nerves. There was something here that scared her and I searched the room for anything or anyone who could ignite such a reaction in my brave and daring girl.

It was at five seconds to go that I caught the dark thoughts of a boy a mere metre from my Holly. I felt anger and primal possession fly through me.

I didn't know the boy's name, but I didn't care for the details of the monster that watched my Holly with a predatory mind.

My face lit up when I eventually had Holly in the centre of my sight.

I needed to reassure her that she was safe, that I was here for her. I'd save her from the any monster that plagued her.

Relief and love saturated me when her eyes met mine and shone with happiness.

My hands trailed up her soft skin luxuriated in the silky texture that made my skin tingle.

"Three."

I didn't think about what my body was doing as my hands slowly made their way to her cheeks.

"Two."

As I held her precious face in my palms I was overwhelmed with the desperate love I held for her.

"One."

Just a second till midnight, but that second seemed to last forever. Her lips called to mine and I was losing the fight to resist.

My eyes caught hers and what I saw stopped my mind in its tracks. Her eyes swam with emotion and I soaked every single ounce of it up. I knew what I wanted and the electricity that flew between us showed she wanted me too.

I couldn't tell how long we had stood there but the cheers and shouts erupted around us.

My lips edged towards hers on their own accord. Ever part of me was drawn towards her. Our lips were so close and I could taste her on my tongue, so sweet I yearned to taste her lips on mine.

She let out a shaky breath and with it I tasted the slight hint of alcohol.

What if the want in her eyes was just caused by the haze the alcohol placed on her intricate mind? Would she regret it in the morning? Could I risk giving into this urge?

I may not have known the answers to the first two but the final question was definite.

I would never risk my relationship with Holly just to satisfy my own wanting.

I had spent nearly the whole of my vampire existence denying myself what I wanted, why should it be any different with Holly.

Holly's heart was thundering at the proximity of our skin and her thoughts pounded in my mind, clearing it of any possibility that she could want this.

_BELLA BELLA BELLA, He's with Bella. He's meant to be with Bella._

_**BELLA BELLA BELLA**_

Hurt, agony, pain, self pity, despair. They were all I felt in that moment.

I closed my eyes to stop Holly from seeing my weak pathetic emotions.

I should have known Bella would play through her mind, I should have realised that she would put something she falsely believed to be true above her own hidden feelings.

I had been so close to getting everything I ever wanted but it had been swept out my tentative grasp by the four letter name of a girl I had no interest in. Bella.

The heat in my hands reminded me that Holly was still in my grasp.

I opened my eyes and placed a small kiss on her nose. It was only a small gesture of affection and I knew it meant two very different things to me and Holly. To me it was a painful compromise and to Holly it was nothing more than a sign of friendship.

"Happy New Year." I breathed.

I leant away from Holly and ignored the disappointment in her eyes. It would do me no good to dwell on what that disappointment could have meant.

"What was that for?" she asked as her tongue ran along her lower lip.

I had no reason for my actions other than my selfish desire to have her as my own. However the murderous thoughts of the monster in the corner caught my attention.

"I was saving my damsel in distress."

The anger his thoughts built caused my chest to rumble but I felt a little shame at my brash action when Holly placed a firm warning hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

I was sorry for putting her in such an uncomfortable situation as my advances had caused.

I was sorry that I continued to pass the boundaries of our relationship even though she gave me no encouragement.

I was sorry that I couldn't be the human man a girl like Holly deserved.

I couldn't hold her without control.

I couldn't ever be truly content with just her friendship.

I would always suffer from an insatiable greed for everything Holly was.

I allowed myself to wallow for a split second before pushing it deep down and resuming a calm exterior.

I had made the decision to accept being just friends with Holly and although I had built my hopes up tonight I would watch them crumble without letting it show because I had no real reason to hurt. I hadn't lost anything real just a whisper of a dream.

_Then why does my dead heart ache._

"So what did you think?" Holly's worried voice entered my wondering.

We had been lying on the battered sofa for a while now as the house grew silent around us.

The last few hours of the party hadn't been as boisterous as the first although I wasn't sure if that was fact or just because my mood had sank from the hopeful heights it had reached before the almost kiss moment me and Holly had shared.

"It was unlike anything I've ever experienced."

I hoped she didn't read the pain hidden in my voice, for I wasn't just talking about the party but also the heartache I now felt twisting in my chest. The pain of Holly's rejection.

"Oh right, is that a good or bad thing?"

"Good. I think. It was nice to be around so many humans and not have to worry about the burn in my throat. Even the thoughts were manageable because they were like quiet static in the back of my mind, they didn't overwhelm my mind like I worried they might. I felt almost normal, human. It was interesting, maybe even fun, talking to new people seeing what it's like to be a teenager in this time. It's so different to 1918. Although I have to say I didn't like the way girls were talked about as if they were just a piece of meat. I hated the thought that there would be boys who thought of you in that way."

I remembered the way the boys had watched the girls as they danced and the thoughts that had circled around Holly when she came to the poker table. There were a few that noted who she was and her personality but most just centred on her looks and the things her body could do for them.

It was true that I had felt more human than usual, the peace in my mind and the lack of thirst but more than anything the emotions I felt. I wasn't a walking stone anymore, this night had filled me to my limit with human emotion and I knew it would linger with me even when the night ended.

"Is it not hard to be away from Bella?" The sound of that girls name flushed me with anger. It was because of her that I couldn't have the woman that lay in my arms. She had polluted everything with her freesia scent. I loathed the way she made me feel and how Holly had been led to believe I loved no one but that girl.

I couldn't say this to Holly. Now was not the time. There may never be a time. Instead I left my emotions out of the equation and stuck with the cold hard facts.

"It is hard, it's like there's a part of me that feels a definite pull towards her" That repulsive pull caused by the monster in me. I felt like I was being dragged into an abyss not like the urge and electricity that pulled me towards Holly.

I looked down on the girl in my arms and saw something in her eyes, the main emotion was happiness but there was something there like self doubt or uncertainty.

"Have you ever been in love Holly?"

I pleaded there would be something in her answer that could help me unravel the emotions that seemed to fight for dominance in her eyes.

"Well, no. I've never let myself fall for someone. No matter how much I wanted to. I don't trust myself to not get hurt. To be in love and still be aware of what's happening around you is a tricky thing to do. Why take the risk? Very few boys my age dream of love, they live in a world of lust. Where every girl is the same. Love 'em and leave 'em."

Her voice was full of resignation. Did she honestly believe that no boy would want her enough for her to take the risk? For someone so strong I would never have thought she feared rejection so badly.

"But I thought you were an adrenaline junkie. Taking risks gives you a buzz" I couldn't make the amusement reach my eyes. I didn't find amusement in the fact that she couldn't find the trust in her to truly open herself up to someone. That she kept so much of herself tucked away from sight from fear that she wouldn't be worthy of someone.

"I can risk my body for the thrill but I would never risk my heart, or who I am. It's too important to me."

It angered me that she didn't see herself clearly, that she couldn't see that she was more than worthy of someone's adoration, whether that be mine or some lucky boy who catches her eye.

But most of all I had the selfish thought that if she never gave herself over to her emotions, no matter how long I waited or how many times I showed her. She may never truly believe that I loved her and she may never let herself take the risk to love me back.

I felt her shift to look at me and could almost feel her gaze on my face but I couldn't look into those dazzling blues.

I wouldn't show the pain in my eyes.

For no matter how much I loved Holly I knew I would never hear those three words from her lips, whether she never felt the same or her own fear would stop them from coming.


	9. EPOV FTTS sequel Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: This monster here was requested by laila cullen so big thank you to her :)**

**It's all the Edward goodness of chapter 5 in the sequel to Shooting The Moon, otherwise known as Fall Through The Stars.**

**I'm tiptoeing the line between T and M rating because I personally don't think it quite tips the scale enough to make it M so that's why it's staying as T at the moment. If you disagree let me know so I don't get my ass kicked for giving it the wrong rating.**

**FINALLY I'm still taking requests for chapters from Shooting The Moon and obviously if you haven't read the end of that or any of Fall Through The Stars, it would be a huge spoiler to read this.**

**So Laila Cullen, here's to your fantastic request. Hope you have as much reading it as I did writing it.**

**xxx**

The sun shined above me causing my skin to scatter the meadow with rainbows, as the diamond like facets on my skin split the bright sunlight. I lay buried in the long swishing grass that rippled in the soft breeze as the meadow filled my senses.

That tranquil caressing breeze that made the pollen particles and floral scents dance through the air.

That air that carried with it the taste of the forest every time I breathed in and felt it settle on my tongue. Wood and rain mixing with the smells of various life within the forests darkened jade haze.

Those subtle tranquil sounds that filled my ears in this natural enclosure that in its circular creation seemed to form perfect acoustics.

Everything about this place stimulated my senses in a gentle and soothing way, it was my place of solace and yet for months now it has been of no use in calming the raging torrent of thoughts that filled my head. Every single one surrounding Holly.

She was the very epicentre of my existence.

Flooding me. Mind, body and soul.

Because of her and the confusion she had tipped my life into, my head could no longer find melodies in simple everyday life. No beautiful composition could find space to dance in my mind it was too consumed with every aspect of Holly.

Her smile, her eyes, her melody, her laugh. The way she spoke to me. The tension that had grown between us.

All these things crushed into my mind and toyed with my emotions.

I loved her more than anything and I knew nothing would ever change that. She was the very light of my life that kept my days basked in warmth and happiness, and nothing had seemed more right than when she was in my life all those months ago. However on that fateful night of the Valentine's dance I lost her and my world plummeted into a dark abyss. Not even the presence of my family could shed some light to pierce the darkness that I lived in. It was like that moment when someone turns a light off and for those first few minutes you see nothing of the world around you, you're blinded until your eyes adjust.

Mine never adjusted to the darkness.

Then after all those obsidian months of torture and heartbreak she sat in the living room with the smile I had missed so much gracing her face and it felt like the burning shock of stepping into bright light. I was stunned by the sight of her.

Blinded by the light.

When I look back on it now I regret not just declaring my love for her in that moment. I regret letting the word friend coming from her mouth stop me from confessing how I felt.

I regret that I let the blindness from the happiness of having her back in my life had allowed me to be complacent and settle for friendship in that moment when it was love that I wanted more than anything. That complacency had stopped me from telling Holly I loved her before everything changed.

Till she changed.

Till I forced that torture upon her out of fear of the pain that losing her would cause and the selfish need to have her with me for eternity.

I could remember all too clearly the feeling of despair that took over me when I saw Holly's dying body before me. So battered it was hard to see that she was still there underneath all the bruising and casts. Although she was damaged to a point of being unrecognisable her scent still held me as its willing prisoner.

I had sat holding onto her hand desperately. It was unresponsive but I needed it to know she was still there. To still feel that it was warm and didn't match the deathly temperature of my own. It was pain enough to see her lying there but to hold her hand and not get a single thought enter my mind was far more than distressing.

As she lay in that hospital bed her mind was dead to me and it only showed me a fraction of the misery I would feel if she was completely dead and gone.

I remembered the way I had encapsulated her hand in mine with her letter sandwiched between them. It was her confession of love and it sat between our joined palms just like the love that, I felt, we were meant to share.

It was those 3 words written on that piece of paper that were too much to give up. I couldn't give her the peaceful death she deserved because I couldn't face life without her.

I wouldn't face life without her. It wasn't even an option.

Either she lived alongside me or I died to follow her.

It was in this state of mind that I buckled beneath Ashleigh's words. The idea of having Holly forever was too much for my heart to pass up.

Hope was the haze that covered me for the first 3 days of Holly's change when she lay there quiet and serene, her body healing from the attack. It offered me a false sense of happiness. It was the hope that tricked my mind into thinking that Holly would have wanted this instead of death.

When those 3 days ended not even hope could save me from the agony I felt.

Her screams and whimpers ate up every last morsel of happiness within. Poisoning the hope I had felt till I was forced to realise that there was no way for causing her pain to have been the right thing and I was a monster for doing it.

I was torturing the love of my life for no reason except to save myself from the pain of losing her.

My mind blanked out due to the pain as I remembered the tortured screams that ripped through her. The acidic blame that she placed on me.

She repetitively accused me of my selfish crime, constantly questioning me why I had done such a thing to her.

I had no answer that seemed worthy.

The fact that I loved her didn't suffice as a reason to do such a thing to her.

The when she woke up and I saw those dazzling blue eyes, with the mystical swirling violent beneath the irises, it took all the control within me not to run to her and repent for all my sins.

The pain I had caused her through my weak selfish decision.

The way I had caused her to doubt my love for her and I had led her to believe that I loved her only as a friend. That Bella Swan had consumed my mind body and soul when in fact it could be no further from the truth.

Bella Swan held no part of me other than the monstrous murderer that I would gladly dispose of any day if I had the means to do so.

I was repulsed at myself that I had ever let Holly doubt my affection for her, that I had willingly given her reason to think her friendship meant less to me than the addiction I had for Bella's blood.

But I knew that there was no redemption that would ever allow me rest from the pain I had caused Holly both physical and emotional.

To have her scream her hatred at me during her change seemed almost therapeutic in its rightness. The hole it had punched through my chest was my punishment and the pain that pulsed every time I thought of the letter she had written to me, was the everyday reminder of what I had done to her.

At first that piece of paper was my lifeline, the fuel to keep the hope burning through me. But after I heard her screams her love note became my chosen means of torture.

Every day I would read the short sentence that was so simple yet held so much emotion and every day it would remind me of what I had lost. I masochistically continued to pick at the hole by imagining what those 3 beautiful words would sound like coming from her perfect mouth. However I was no fool I knew that future I had wanted so much lay in tatters.

In brief moments, there were times that we would talk like we used to but it would quickly turn sour or a tension would build between us. I could understand why it was there. She didn't want to spend time with me; I was the reason she had to leave her family and give up her dreams of university in her world. I took away the life she was meant to live and although she claimed she was happy I knew her too well to ignore that she missed her old life and she resented the fact that things had changed.

She had been so brave, ready to die a peaceful death and I had stolen that from her. She would never get that back.

I watched the clouds above me as I tried desperately to pull myself back together from the dark abyss I had let myself sink into.

Every time I visited the meadow I went through the same process. The emotions just built everyday that passed. Each day that Holly had been in our lives permanently in her new form. In the room opposite mine where I could hear her every movement, her every breath and every heartbeat. I had to listen to my name leaving her lips during her sleep and cope with the desperate curiosity to understand why she dreamed of me. Whether it was of our happy past or the memory of the nightmare I had put her through. Both possibilities hurt but at least one was tainted by happiness.

I had to listen to her relaxed happy conversations with my family members and then realise that the reason ours didn't match them was because I had screwed up. Big time.

Because of all this my life now was in a constant state of sunrise. Holly was in my life as part of my family but I was always desperately waiting for my sun to rise and remove the darkness in my life. Constantly waiting for the day that Holly would forgive me enough for the tension between us to melt away and the frustration that showed in her due to my presence would leave and be replaced with something that didn't eat at my guilt.

I knew friendship or neutral acceptance were most likely but I hoped and prayed that love could one day light her eyes. Even if I had to wait centuries to see it.

I slipped my hand into my jeans pocket and pulled out the letter that Ashleigh had delivered on Holly's behalf. My fingers glided over the ink on the now smoothed paper. It had been thumbed so many times its surface had developed a faint shine.

The indentation of the pen caused the words to be slightly embossed into the paper, so that even if the ink faded the words would still be present. Just like even though Holly no longer felt them, the memory of their existence left them imprinted on my heart.

My thoughts continued to whirl in my mind for the near timeless passing of the day whilst I focussed on the surrounding environment to try and ease the ache that ebbed through me.

Another breeze ruffled through the meadow and with it came the scent of the girl whose face filled my every conscious thought.

Holly.

I could hear her racing footsteps through the forest and I longed to be there running with her. To watch as her golden hair flew out around her and her slender figure dodged through the trees like a forest nymph. I could imagine the look of joy on her face and the exhilaration that would make her eyes sparkle more than usual.

The ache in my chest built as I heard her light footfalls get closer. Each stride bringing her closer to me but never close enough.

I listened intently as I heard the tinkling sound of her feet passing through the small river nearby. I could imagine how the droplets would hit her skin and the smile that their sensation would bring to her face.

She was at the edge of the meadow and I stayed still just holding her scent in my lungs. Luxuriating in that feeling I loved so much. Basking in pure Holly.

Ignoring the promise of pain that echoed from the hole in my chest.

I heard the slowly cautious movement of the shrubs being pulled back closely followed by a small gasp escaping her lips.

She had wanted to see this place since we met. There were sketches in her book of scenes that emulated this place and showed her desire to see it with her own eyes. I wanted to see the look on her face when she took in this place. I wanted to give it to her. It was my sanctuary and I wanted her to have it. I wanted her to have every spec of me, and I would give it to her if I thought it was something she wanted. I wouldn't force my love on her, it would do no good.

Only a heartbeat had passed since she glanced upon the meadow and I knew she hadn't entered it or seen it in its full beauty yet I heard the shrubs fall back in place and a small disappointed sigh whisper through the air.

She was leaving.

I couldn't let her leave.

I couldn't bear the idea of having her walk away from me like she had on the night of the Valentine's dance.

This was similar to that night. That night I had wanted to give her the perfect night, to hold her in my arms and show her exactly who I was and how much she meant to me. She had turned away.

Today I wouldn't let her leave me. I wanted to show her place. To show her the place that meant so much to me and I knew was something she dreamed of.

This time I wasn't going to watch her walk away without fighting to keep her with me.

If she refused to stay and let me share this place with her then I would accept the rejection though it would hurt, however I couldn't stand by and not try. Not like last time.

I dashed to the edge of the meadow feeling the warmth of the sun leave me as I stepped into the shaded archway.

"Holly" I heard the desperation in my voice. Would she?

The shrubs pulled back and revealed the mind-blowing sight of Holly. Her eyes sparkling with exhilaration of the run whilst nerves caused her to bite down on her lip unconsciously tempting the man in me. The water droplets were soaked through her jeans and t shirt causing them to cling to every delicious curve of her body. The white t shirt varied in its transparency due to the water and I was pulled in by the temptation it teased me with. The way the droplets were scattered to reveal her waist and form a pattern that caused my eyes to drag up her torso passing over the full round perfection of her breasts.

I would never get bored of the feeling Holly gave me but right now in this moment the lust was buried deep down into the dark crevices on my mind.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I can go. I wanted to talk to you but if you're busy I'll just catch you back at the house" She turned and my arm shot out to grasp desperately at her arm. Holding her here with me, fighting to keep her with me for just a few minutes more.

I would do anything her heart desired even if it meant listening to her berate and blame me.

"Now is as good as any time to talk, plus I have been meaning to bring you here since we met. But I thought Bella..." It was a pathetic reason to not bring her here but although Holly had always wanted to see this place she had often talked of the meadow being a place of me and Bella and I didn't want her to think she wasn't unique and different to Bella. I didn't want her thinking that this meadow was just my place to take a girl no matter who they were. Holly and Bella were in no way interchangeable and I never wanted Holly to think they were. I didn't want her thinking that I only brought her here because it was in that blasted book.

Holly's eyes showed understanding and excitement so I pulled her gently into the meadow. I was eager to see her reaction to the place and happy that so far our interaction hadn't been marred by the tension that seemed to saturate our others.

I felt the flicker of self hatred that plagued me whenever my skin entered the sunlight but a glance at Holly showed her amazement and awe. How could I hate something that gave Holly such pleasure to see?

This was just a side thought that passed through my mind whilst the majority of it was consumed by the ethereal beauty that walked amongst the flowers. Her hands softly skimming the grass that tickled against her skin.

That luminescent skin that shimmered in the sunlight. She looked as if she had come from heaven to walk amongst demons just for a day. Just one wonderful day when heaven touched on earth and offered a glimpse of its beauty to me, though I was unworthy of such a gift.

I watched in rapture as she took in every detail of the meadow, soaking up and savouring the sights and smells as if she thought she would never see it again. It hurt to think that she had no intention of coming back either because it reminded her of me or she didn't want to accept it as my gift to her. That she rejected me.

The pain of that thought caused my legs to weaken and I sat quickly before I fell from the weight of my grief. She didn't need to see my weakness.

Eventually she sat facing me though we were side by side.

Her eyes hardened and locked on mine. I waited for the hatred feeling my body tense at the imminent pain.

"You've been avoiding me" It wasn't a question but stated as if a fact.

It was in a way.

I had stayed away to save her the agitation of having me around but I assumed she wanted to hear me explain myself none the less.

"I sat with you through your change" I wanted her to know that I didn't leave her side but I hoped also that this would clear up my avoidance of her. That she would realise I never wanted to be away from her but her hatred of me had caused me to make the decision to keep my distance.

She had a clear memory of her change so she would vividly remember the hate she felt for me.

However that didn't explain the look of confusion on her face.

"Thank you, I'm sure that must have been hard to watch. But it's not like I was having a whole lot of fun at the time"

I felt the anger heat my stone cold body. I had caused her that pain. It was my fault. I was the monster.

I knew that and there was a selfish part of me that felt resentment that she continued to point out to me what I had done to her.

Did she not know how much remorse I felt for being the one to make that decision for her?

Still why did she seem not to understand my caution at being around her?

How could she think that although I accepted the blame, the constant reminder of her hate didn't hurt?

I had to explain to her because her expression right now was giving me the false hope that her feelings had changed. That false hope was a dangerous thing.

"I sat with you and watched you scream in pain. But that wasn't what hurt the most. You screamed my name and asked why I had done this to you. You blamed **me **for your pain. When you woke up I figured you would hate me for putting you through something so horrific." The dark memories of Holly's convulsing body caused a pain to wrack through me like hot pokers piercing the raw flesh of my ragged hole.

"You were with me. You held my hand. I can remember you right beside me. I never blamed you for anything. I could never hate you"

In that moment it was like a light switch had been turned on. My sunrise started to creep over the horizon and the warmth of everything Holly was to me started to warm through me. Slow and healing.

She knew I had never left her side for all those days. Was it possible her screams were just a reaction to the venom? That the words she had blasted at me weren't truly hers but the desperate pleas we all had shouted in our burning change.

The very idea that Holly didn't resent me with a passion was enough to stitch up the hole that only seconds ago had crippled me in agony.

Holly sat before me and for once I didn't see the girl whose hate kept me wounded. Instead she was the cure to all my hurt. The impossibly forgiving woman that had accepted all my sins against her and allowed me to have her in my life again though I never deserved such a gift.

I felt my whole being began to hum with the happiness that saturated me at her forgiveness.

I watched Holly intently as she bit down on her lip before a delicate blush rose on her cheeks and her eyes met mine as she looked up through her thick fluttering eyelashes.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her and part of me thought that my gaze may have been impolite and the reason for her blush but when the wind caused her hair to dance around her and her scent to churn in the air that surrounded me. I knew there was no way I would ever be able to take my eyes off her without instantly missing the sight of her before me.

_I love you, I love you, I love you,_

It chanted in my mind and I opened my mouth to say it but became distracted by my exquisite view of Holly.

Her teeth released her bottom lip and they parted slightly.

"Iluvu"

The words were quick and muddled on the wind but I dared to dream.

I dared to hope.

I felt my face split with the pure joy that the possibility brought. The joy that was produced by the possible meaning of those words.

I reigned in my emotions. I knew from experience that if you let yourself soar it would only make the fall that much more painful.

"Excuse me?" The look of disappointment and astonishment on Holly's face made for an interesting sight and I could almost taste the amusement as it passed through my words. It was nearly exactly like that time she had formed our own personal greeting 'heylo'. The way her tongue tripped over the words to make something new.

I waited entranced for what seemed like eternity as Holly stood stock still except for a long deep breath.

Her eyes swam deeply into mine.

"I love you"

My world exploded and concentrated into the singular form of Holly standing before me. She was my world. My reason for living.

She was the hope that kept me trusting in this life. Even without her around, the knowledge that she was alive meant that the world was no longer a stranger. The very fact that the world could hold someone as special as her allowed me to trust that it wasn't such a monstrous cold place.

She was my strength that kept me walking through everything that is thrown at me. She was the very reason I could fight against Bella's blood. Not the weeks of desensitisation, but Holly. She made me want to be a better man and for that reason alone I could find the strength to fight the pull Bella's blood had on me.

She was the light to my soul that I would follow anywhere just to feel her love shine on me.

She was my purpose

My everything.

I was overcome with the need to have her in my arms and there was nothing but the ecstatic mood that burst from me when I realised there was no reason for me to deny myself.

My palms cupped her precious face as our lips brushed each other.

The heat that emanated from hers sent flashes of warmth to fizzle down the very centre of my body.

"I've waited forever to hear you say those words. I kept your letter just re-reading it as I sat by your side. Trying to imagine how your voice would sound saying them to me. But now I've heard it I could never have imagined something so divine. I love you too Holly Jules, I just wish I had had the courage to just say it first. I didn't realise how you felt. I thought I would lose you forever, so seemed so happy just to be my friend"

The words left me in a rush like her love had opened the tap on everything I had buried deep down and now it just over spilt from my surface. Like water bursting from a dam.

The proximity of her and her delicious scent was sending my body into a frenzy, each breath she exhaled hit my tongue and venom made my mouth water at the desire to finally taste every inch of her.

"I never expected you to say it. You had Bella. I was just a bump in the road you were meant to take"

Her voice was even now unsure. My silly Holly.

I liked that I called call her mine after all these months.

"You weren't just a bump you were a full on diversion. Ever since I discovered the portal you fascinated me. Everything from the way you'd dance around your room to the hours you would spend drawing and listening to music. You caught my interest in a way that no human ever had before. Bella caught my interest for a wholly different reason. Her scent seduced the monster in me. It was ecstatic when you told me to spend time with Bella. I found myself wanted to just be near her just to smell that mouth-watering scent of strawberries and freesias. When I was with her, I wasn't really a man I was a monster running on bloodlust. I sat watching her sleep the monster in me happy to be near its addiction."

Bella .

The reason I had lost Holly.

The reason she had hid how she felt for me.

The reason I was forced to lie to Holly and let her think she meant nothing but a friend to me.

I felt nothing for Bella and the very memory of her scent repulsed me due to the way it had torn me and Holly apart.

"When you left. Broke off contact. I slipped completely to its will. The man in me grew faint and weak. Without you around I could feel everything I had gained fading away. I hid from my family, from you. I was ashamed that I couldn't control the strength, the addiction she had on me. When I saw you again I was hit with the same raw feeling I had the first time I stepped foot in your room."

The memory of Holly's scent was nothing to the powerful aroma that surrounded me now. I let go of all the disguise I had built and finally let her hear the effect she had on me. I never wanted her to doubt how I felt about her. Not for one millisecond.

I watched as Holly took in every syllable I had said. Her eyes searching mine.

"What feelings, surely not love at first sight" The very idea that my feelings could be anything as innocent and pure was laughable. I may have loved Holly now but that didn't mean that I did when I first met her. That first meeting was too raw and primal to be love.

"If only it were that pure. Can you remember what I said about your scent?"

She nodded "that I was delicious but not in the food sense"

Was she still so oblivious to how her scent affected me?

I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped me at the idea that she could be so blind as to not see the signs that saturated every inch of my body.

My whole body yearned for her and she seemed to have no idea.

"You scent, made me feel something so new. I couldn't understand it. It sent sparks through me to smoulder in my stomach. I craved your touch; every move you made was like a sensual seduction. You were like sex wrapped up in innocence and the man in me wanted you more than anything"

I want her now more than anything.

My eyes were glued to the irresistible image of her full luscious lips just millimetres from mine. I wanted to feel them against my own. I wanted to run my tongue along their warm surface before plundering her hot little mouth.

I was testing my patience to its limits but I had to continue my explanation. Holly deserved to know everything.

"But I hardly knew you. I refused to give in to something I didn't understand. So I got to know you. Your scent never lost its power over me but something else built alongside it." The memory of that night I spent at the piano, just focussing on Holly's melody and the first morning I played it to her and felt everything slot into place. Every emotion I felt was mirrored in that piece and it was because of it that I finally felt the full force of my love for Holly.

"I couldn't ignore it. It was all consuming but it helped me control myself. But you wanted to be friends so I just hid it. Not very well as you could probably tell." I saw realisation pass across her features and I was fixated as I could almost see the memories of my failed attempts of hiding the lust flit through her mind.

When her eyes finally locked with mine I had to suppress the growl that threatened to build in my chest. Her eyes were a deeper shade of blue and so much stronger than before. Almost like they glowed with the fire of the passion that was palpable in the air around us. I had wanted Holly every single one of the million moments I was with her. I had wanted her in so many ways and I thought that the desire I had felt was the very epitome of the feeling. But now that I looked into Holly's eyes and saw my wants and longings reflected in her own.

I felt a need so intense it surpassed the limit, I had thought existed, with ease.

I watched calm her body with a shaking breath and it sent a thrill through me. I had waited months for a reaction from Holly and it didn't disappoint. Her bottom lip quivered as the air left her body and it only stoked the feelings raging in me.

"Part of me knew. But the rest of me was so fixed on you and Bella. It wasn't till the Valentine dance that I really let myself feel the things that had been building every since I met you" Her voice wasn't as clear but instead attacked my mind with images of melted honey. Hot and sweet.

My Holly was intoxicating to the senses in everyway.

The Valentine's dance played out in my mind, I could remember the feel of Holly in my arms clearly. Nothing had felt more right than to have her warm soft curves fitted to my body.

I wrapped my arms around her now and still felt the warmth but the softness didn't warn me to be careful instead it had strength to it that encouraged me to drop my control and hold her like I had always wanted. The way instinct roared at me to hold her. Tight in my grasp never to let go.

"You were so beautiful that night, I thought if I played your favourite song. If I could dance with you in my arms. Maybe I could tell you. Maybe I could keep you forever"

My voice got lost to the emotion of the moment. The way everything around us paled in importance and beauty. She was the calm that fought away my stormy thoughts. The weakness and hopelessness I had felt before was gone now that I held her in my arms.

Nothing else mattered but the feel of her beating heart resonating through my empty chest. Making me feel like in that moment I was human.

She brought me back to life.

"There's no maybe about it"

Holly's eyes were filled with love and I fell apart at the seams. I couldn't try to speak to express my feelings. None of the words would have sufficed.

So instead we sealed the moment with the kiss I had been waiting months to share with Holly's lips.

The contact broke my patient barrier.

She wasn't close enough; she would never be close enough.

I pulled her body flush against mine and the way her body burned into mine mixed with the heat of my desire. I wasn't a statue any longer and with this feeling within me I couldn't imagine a time when this heat would fade.

I thrilled when Holly's feminine frame crawled to lock herself around my waist. Her delicious lips soft against my own.

I wanted to savour every moment every gentle slow kiss that passed between us was a new kind of heaven whilst the feeling of her pressed against me made my nerves crackle with excitement.

I could feel her holding back and I almost begged for her to let me just ravish her the way I longed to. To run my hands over every millimetre of her hot soft skin.

As her hot pink tongue lightly traced my bottom lip my body was vibrating with the need of her and the absolute necessity of her allowing me to kiss and touch, lick and caress till no part of her being was left without having felt my adoration for her.

Suddenly she pulled away and I could see a spark in her eye, the same spark she got when she was thinking of something devious.

I loved her wicked side.

"What was going on with you and Rianna?"

I sighed as she shifted her body to talk to me but just heightened the friction I felt against me. That hot friction that rocketed pleasure through me.

_Focus Edward_

I thought back to the night of Holly's funeral party.

It was the one night I had really listened to Emmett's advice.

I was still in a world of despair at the confusion Holly had thrown me into with her reactions or lack of them.

Emmett had promised me that you cannot deny the reasons behind the emotion of jealousy, that if Holly showed such signs I would be sure to understand her.

When I finally carried out Emmett's instructions I watched as Holly's mood shot to anger, or what I thought at the time was anger at me wanting to inflict the troubles of the vampire world onto her friend Rianna. That my faked interest in her would pull her into the world Holly had been forced to join.

Now that I know her feelings it was clear to me that jealousy was the reason for her glares. I liked that idea a little too much.

Holly was getting impatient for my answer and she tightened her grip around my waist. Grinding herself harder over my already painfully aware erection as her hands traced exquisite patterns in my hair. Holding me to her, not that I had any intention of ever letting her go.

The dominance she showed as she worked her lips down my throat was heavenly. I could do nothing but submit myself to the all consuming feeling of bliss.

I was hers completely and I would do anything for her.

I focussed my hazed mind to answer her question.

"Nothing. Although it was fun to see you get jealous. I just wanted to test you. To see if you still felt the same. You're so hard from me to read Holly. So unpredictable"

I spoke between the kisses we shared. Each one giving me a shot of the sweetest taste in existence. Holly.

I needed more. I wanted to submerse myself in everything about her. I wanted to dance my tongue with hers.

My hands pulled her even closer to me and the fiery contact was excruciatingly exquisite.

She whimpered so softly but it was pure lust to me.

God, I loved the sounds she made.

My hips arched up into hers of their own accord, rubbing against her, a primeval need to connect with her body and elicit more of those amazing sounds out of her.

Her warm little hands slid up the back of my shirt, searing my skin through the fabric, as she started to massage my upper body and her mouth continued its assault on my begging lips.

I moved my lips down to her neck. "Holly," I growled as I worked my hands up her back, urging her to arch her body tighter against mine as she panted in pleasure.

I was doing this to her.

I was the reason for her sweet, sexy sounds.

The reason her voice was thick and heavy with desire.

I still wanted more.

My tongue swirled patterns onto her satin like skin. Tasting the very essence of her and feeling her pulse vibrate through the skins surface. Each vibration made my tongue tingle and the scent each pulsation brought made my mouth water with its richness.

This scent was so much more than her usual; it was impossibly richer and seductive. Just the slightest smell of it caused my arousal to grow.

Her hips rocked forward, just slightly, but enough to press her hot centre against my erection straining beneath her.

_God that feeling is delicious_.

Her body arched forward and her fingers clenched tighter into my hair as a sultry moan urged me to her lips.

Dear God, that little sound, right there, was nearly my undoing. How in the hell was I going to restrain myself? I wanted her now. Right now. To feel her warm naked body under mine. To make her whimper and moan in ecstasy as I brought her to release after release

I raced to her mouth, relishing in the feel of her velvety skin against my lips.

My tongue played at the opening of her mouth, teasing her, fluttering in and out. Her fingers curled deep into my hair as our passion started to build.

Her lips parted farther, silently begging for more.

"Edward" Her voice was pure velvet to my ears and fuelled my hunger for her.

That voice.

I had only ever heard my name said in such a seductive manner, with the same yearning emotion lacings its syllables.

The memory of that night I had visited Holly as she slept.

It had been my intention to merely see her before I left to hunt for the next few days but the sight of her writhing in her sheets had kept me in her room engrossed in the tantric sight before my eyes.

The way her body arched and twisted like an erotic dance solo. It had been the very fruition of my thoughts. Like watching them come into reality right before me.

I remembered the sexual frustration that had coursed through me. She was so close to touch and so delectably tempting and yet I couldn't reach out and take her as my own. I couldn't give in to the instinct in me to just claim her as mine.

I was shocked out of my illicit memory by Holly's supple body freezing in its wondrous place of being locked with mine. Perfectly aligned to send me to heaven and back with the slightest rotation of her hips.

"Holly?"

Her widened azure eyes met mine and I saw the slight midnight blue background that caused their colour to be seductively darker than usual.

I was concerned as to why we had stopped the exquisite moment we had been lost in. But there was something in her eyes that stopped me from crushing my lips back to hers.

"I saw something in my mind. It was me when I was human asleep. I was dreaming"

Busted.

She had always hated the idea of me watching her sleep.

But how could she possibly know something like that?

"You saw that?"

"What do you mean?" Her voice was caution and suspicious.

"When you said my name like that it reminded me of a memory I had. I couldn't help it. It just came to my mind" I kept my voice with a tone of apology laced within it. I didn't want her mad. I wanted her back to the place where she moaned my name. Back to the point where pleasure was the only thing she felt. The only thing that existed in our little bubble.

"That was your memory?! I told you not to watch me sleep" Her already flushed face heated a little more. She was embarrassed and yet it was me who had their thoughts infiltrated. It was an odd feeling to have the place I had always had private suddenly on display to someone else.

"You read my thoughts!" To me it seemed the most important issue but it was possible my wounded privacy was controlling my thought processes.

"I didn't hear anything. It was just a memory not the thoughts" Holly said and she bit her lip distractedly. The image of that thick ruby red lip caught between her teeth was too much for me to ignore.

"Oh alright" I rushed through my last few words and dove at the perfect skin at the nape of her neck. That place where I had been when she released my name. I wanted more of her sounds to drop from her lips.

Holly didn't melt from her frozen position in my lap. To be able to touch her body was thrilling but it wasn't half as exquisite if she wasn't completely there with me.

My pleasure was one thing but it was hers that I craved.

"No not alright. When was it?"

"Just one morning after new years, I had to leave before Ash came in and caught me watching you. There was just something captivating about you"

"Oh god I feel so violated, it's so embarrassing" She cringed into my shoulder and I leant to whisper in her ear.

"Don't be embarrassed it only made me want you more. Plus I can think of much more fun ways to violate you" She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I leisurely ran my hand up her denim glad thigh. She had no idea how many things I would take great pleasure in doing to her. The number of ways I wanted to touch her just to hear her call out my name.

"Don't think you can seduce your way out of this"

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

I had no intention of just seducing her. I wanted to completely consume her in ecstasy.

My fingers traced idle patterns on her inner thigh so close to the delicious heat that emanated from her core.

What would it be like to immerse myself within that heat? To feel it sheathed around me as our naked bodies intertwined in perfect erotic motion.

I shouldn't think like that. It wasn't right to want to give in right now and throw away such a precious moment as it would be when I finally gave myself to her. I wanted that moment to be so much more than a rush of uncontrollable lust.

"Mmm Edward"

A lusting chuckle left my lips. This girl had no idea how tightly wound she got me. Sounds like that threatened to break the last few flimsy strings that bound my desire in place.

I kissed her leisurely, taking my time; I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth, sucking it. Her hands shot up and into my hair, gripping it at the root, just like I wanted her to do, making me growl into her.

I felt a rush of desire when she pulled my head to the side. Using her newly acquired strength to exert her dominance over me and get what she wanted.

The feel of her hot wet mouth on my throat made my body ripple in pleasure. The feeling of her working her way up along my jaw was exquisite.

Her body continued to rock into mine and although clothes separated us the motion was divine.

Her mouth teased around my ear and bolts of electricity shot through me.

When her perfect lips brushed against my earlobe it was intense. And my unnecessary breathing hitched from its pattern of panting.

She teased me further with a flick of her tongue over the sensitive flesh.

I moaned at the pure wet heat coming in contact with my skin along with the rich intoxicating smell of her arousal permeating the air around me.

All this led to the near mind shattering moment when her teeth grazed along the shell of my ear. The light and contrasting feeling of her teeth against my skin was almost too much to take. I was shivering with the tension built within me. The strength I was exerting to stop myself from ravishing her then and there, smothering every luscious inch of her till our bodies were at one and our scents mixed in perfect invigorating harmony.

"Enough fun. I've got to see Carlisle"

My body registered the absence of her instantly but the thick haze of arousal that filled my mind didn't clear in time to keep her with me.

Instead I was left in a state of being stunned and lost for words.

She had teased me, used me, seduced me and left.

I should have been angry.

I should have been frustrated that I had lost the opportunity to do the things I wanted.

However even though these things I should have felt, I didn't

I felt nothing but pure elation and a wicked craving for her.

She wasn't my innocent little Holly.

She was a fully accomplished seductress and I wanted nothing more than to experience the rush she gave me.

I wanted her to teach me about the art of ecstasy and take me to the point of no return.

Again

And

Again.

**A/N: You likes? xxx**

**p.s Could you do me a huge favour and give me a review on The Story Of Sarelle even if it's a bit poop? I really want to see if I'm getting the story clear enough or if the mess in my mind is just a bit too confusing when written out.**

**Cheers! :P**


	10. EPOV Chapter 10 FTTS

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: This was requested so here it is :)

xxx

Was it possible to find a level of happiness that reached beyond the realms of wondrous bliss? I found it unlikely, but then again Holly was always taking my buried human emotions to new levels and this night had been no different. It had been pure pleasure to lie beside her as the clouds billowed cross the starry sky.

Holly had watched the stars avidly, their pale dusty light settling on her face, causing it to glow ever so subtly. Just as she was distracted by their beauty I was distracted by hers, and every moment i could i studied her tranquil face as she lay snuggled into my side. Her wonderful scent pooled around us and her body heat melted through me. I had never felt so human than i had just laying watching the stars with the girl I loved.

Eventually, her thick eyelashes had fluttered closed, not from exhaustion but in complete comfort and i felt nothing but joy that she felt close enough to sleep beside me. It's such an innocent and vulnerable act that I knew, no matter how much she told me she loved me or trusted me, nothing could show it more than that simple gesture.

I had stayed with her, holding her sleeping form to mine until dawn started to break and then the anticipation of her waking was a physical buzz running through my body. We had only gotten to this situation because of her flirtatious teasing game. I was eager to learn what had happened to cause her to decide to play it, for I certainly would do anything possible to entice her to play it again.

There was something thrilling about chasing her through the forest, hearing her laughter calling me forward. When I had arrived at the meadow and seen her standing waiting for me. Her hair windblown and her body still filled with the exhilaration, it had taken every scrap of control to play by her rules. When all I wanted to do was disregard every rule and principle we had, in favour of the road to Sodom and Gomorra, the road of sinful desire that took you straight to ecstasy.

The very idea of what that journey would have entailed was enough for me to want to give up what i had preserved for 104 years, but the sweet girl in my arms now was enough for me to curtail my darker fantasies concerning her body. I didn't want to disturb her from whatever dreams caused her lips to curve into a lazy smile.

Holly stirred in my arms as the birds started to call out the breaking of the dawn, as if the sun didn't already tell us. I smiled down on my angel as her eyes fluttered open and twinkled up at me.

"Morning, Tiger," she said with a wink before she slid her body to rest on mine.

She hit me in all the right places, each of her delicious curves and contours fitting to mine in a way that I doubted could have been any better, could have felt any better. It was like we were a jigsaw and we just fit together. Her eyes were shining with the sunlight. I loved how they looked over me with appreciation. My skin was causing her skin to light up slightly, small rainbows dancing across the ivory canvas while the slight breeze ruffled her hair.

She was a beauty and she was mine.

"I'm not complaining but you never told me the reason for your amusement. And I did catch you." I ran my hands over her body before flipping us so she lay beneath me, completely under my power, a prisoner to my ever wanton will and desire. What more could a man want, than to have such a delectable woman pinned beneath them, looking up at them with an expression that made your heart glow and your veins sizzle all at once.

Holly placed an unexpected kiss on my throat, her tongue peeking out and increasing the sensual heat that her lips delivered.

"You purred." Her voice tickled my skin where the heat buffered against the stone cold surface.

"Purred, are you sure?" I knew it was possible, but I hadn't been aware of doing such a thing. Of course it made sense now, why she had called me the classic cat names for the rest of the night. They had ranged from _Felix_ to _Simba_, although _Tiger_ was definitely one of my favourites.

"Most definitely, it was very cute. Some scary monster you are." she giggled and teased, her body shaking below mine. The motion made it hard to stop the lustful growl from escaping.

_If I'm a tiger then hear me roar, _I thought sarcastically but the idea of releasing my predatory side with Holly lit up another fantasy flame. It was definitely something to think about.

I dragged my teeth up the column of her neck, inhaling her scent deeply, fuelling the fire.

"Oh I take it back. You truly are terrifying." Her hand flopped over he eyes, covering their deep pools from sight.

I couldn't have that, and I certainly couldn't have this teasing of my ability to be a predator. I was a man, and Holly was taunting and tempting the red blooded male that rushed to the surface whenever she was around.

My arm wrapped around her waist and with an effortless action I lifted her body from the ground, pressing it closer to mine, causing her head to fall back in away that flashed ecstatic images in my mind.

How divine she will look with her head falling back on a pillow, just like that.

My fingertips traced her pulse and I loved the small sexy sound that slipped from her full lips. I loved the effect I had on her, from her shivers to her smiles.

My nose skimmed the soft skin of her neck and my body reacted instantly to the smell that muddled my mind, sending it to a dizzyingly dangerous level of desire.

"You smell like heaven," I said, my voice weak with the weight of feelings building in me.

In my eagerness for her touch I tilted her head towards mine and indulged in the sweetest taste on this earth by placing a kiss on her pouted lips. Pure Holly occupied every sense.

"You taste even better." My instinctive seduction was rewarded with another sensual sound. My hands wandered down her body, and I was vaguely aware of half-hearted comment she made about us having to be somewhere, but I had no intention of removing myself from this position. I barely had any recollection of where we had to be that could be any more important than this place that we already were. Especially not when my hand reached and hitched her knee, settling it on my hip, aligning her below me to increase the heady friction our bodies created.

"They'll have to be patient, I'm enjoying my reward," I said between delicious kisses. I wasn't keen on Holly meeting the Denali's, Tanya in particular. There was an unresolved history between us, and I wasn't exactly in the mood for rushing Holly to meet with her.

My wandering hand danced under her top, across her lower abs. Her skin was gloriously warm but it was the heat emanating from her core that caused the ravenous desire in me to spark further.

I couldn't help running my fingertips over the black lace that peeped out of her jeans. When I had chosen the garments I could think of nothing but how she would look in them and the way they would feel to remove. The very same thoughts were running through my mind now, and I wondered if Holly would have any objections to shedding her clothes to allow me the privilege of seeing the reality instead of the fantasy image in my head. My fingers slowly moved towards the centre of her jeans where her brass button was the starting point of my stairway to heaven.

"Edward, we have somewhere to be." Her words stopped my fingers in their tracks as they sat just above the button.

I groaned as I waved goodbye to possibility to seeing my Holly in that black lace combination.

I looked down at her grinning face and accepted now wouldn't be the time to unwrap each layer of clothing from her, but by the love of God, it would be soon. It had to be.

* * * * *

The past few hours had been a bit of a rollercoaster. It had been good to see Holly so settled with her family, and I was happy that she got the understanding she wanted concerning her gift. However, it had been hard to just sit across the room from her and watch her tears, knowing that she wouldn't want me to be beside her to comfort her when her parents were around. It had been made clear to me that she didn't want her family finding out about us when she had skipped ahead of me when we first entered the house.

I couldn't lie and say it hadn't hurt to have her want our love to be a secret, but I understood that she didn't want it to be revealed all of a sudden. That she needed sometime to just settle into the concept before having it sprung out in the open.

Jason, her father, clearly had suspicions and I could see in his mind that, although he wasn't angry of disappointed about the possibility of us being together, he clearly didn't like the idea that we could be on this side without him having any control over the contact I had with his daughter. He wasn't unreasonable or naive to the emotions and urges that came with a new relationship, but he wanted the chance to talk with me properly and understand my intentions before he could fully settle himself with the idea of his little Holly-Berry growing up and being involved with someone. I had to at least respect him for that; his ideals were only ruled by his love of his daughters not a controlling nature.

I hadn't had a chance to talk with Jason yet since he and Sandra had been occupied talking with Esme, Carlisle, Eleazar and Carmen.

I had hoped I would have a chance to grab a quiet moment with him so I was biding my time in the piano room while the rest of the house occupied themselves with catch up conversations and socialising.

It was nice to hear Holly, had come to terms with her gift and was now happily talking with Kate, Alice and Ash.

She seemed so much happier with her family here. I knew she missed them, it was understandable and to be expected. What bothered me was that she never let on to any of this when we were together. She never talked about missing them, or how leaving them had affected her. I hated to think that she didn't feel able to tell me such things. I didn't want her to bury things deep down, even though I knew it was something instinctive to her.

I smirked as I heard Alice's thoughts. She was planning a match making scenario for Kate and Garrett to meet, some kind of evening gathering for the two to meet 'accidentally'.

I couldn't help but grin at my little pixie sister's enthusiasm. She was certainly a force to be reckoned with, although Holly seemed to handle her constant buzzing nature well. It wasn't really a mystery given how her sister held so many similarities with Alice.

When I thought of Ashleigh I felt a problem circling in my mind. Some her thoughts had shown that Holly's family weren't coping as well as Holly hoped. I felt sympathy for the girl. Everything had been turned on its head, and now she was living a life that was so far from its original path. I knew she held no resentment towards any of us for what happened, in fact her opinions of us all were high, but there was something that registered in my mind that made me uncomfortable. She was so comfortable on this side of the portal, perhaps too comfortable. She clearly didn't like her life on the other side at the moment, and I noticed that sometimes her mind drifted in the realms of 'what if'. What if she was changed, what if she abandoned her world in favour of this one. What if she did these things and lived forever with Holly. I knew these thoughts were just innocent wonderings, but there was part of me that couldn't help but ponder if some conviction lingered underneath them all.

I knew Holly would never want this life for her sister. She often said she didn't regret her situation, but I knew that it was only because it was either this or death. If her sister chose the immortal route then it would be a very different situation, and I wasn't sure if Holly would want that.

I sighed and settled myself on the piano bench, resting my fingers on the comforting keys as I played out a small improvised tune that flowed though my mind.

My mind relaxed into the song and the mental voices faded away pleasantly.

I wasn't in this state of tranquillity long before the distinct violet scent of Tanya drifted into the room along with her lithe figure which sauntered around the piano.

I was tense instantly and stopped playing to focus on what she was up to.

As usual with her attempted seductions, her mind was busy reciting the American constitution in various languages. She always did this to stop me from guessing what her plan was. The problem was that I had recognised the pattern a while ago and so no matter how much she avoided revealing her intentions, the very act of hiding it made it clear to me.

"Hello, Tanya. I hope you're enjoying your visit so far," I said, my voice just as tense as my body.

Her amber eyes cast a coy look at me as she slowly came closer. It was almost laughable that she treated her seduction of me similar to approaching a frightened flighty animal.

"It's been nice meeting Holly. She's a lovely girl, very interesting. What she is." She came a little closer, crossing the room but coming towards me at the same time, as if it would disguise her real intention. Her voice was casual and vague as if talking about Holly was not what she considered to be an interesting topic but felt obligated to mention.

The mention of Holly made a smile instinctively form on my face. My mind went back to this morning when she had lain in my arms.

"Yes she truly is unique."

Tanya misread my smile as an invitation and came at me head on, leaning over me as I sat on the piano bench. Her chest was inches from my face and I tried to shuffle back but there wasn't enough space behind to put the desired amount of space in front of me.

"Tanya." My voice warned her, but she edged closer, her strawberry blonde hair falling like a curtain.

"Oh come on, Edward, just one little chance that's all I'm asking," Her voice purred in my ear, and I gulped as I considered how to let her down (again) without appearing to be anything less than a gentleman.

I didn't have time to even arrange a single idea because Holly appeared. A vision or pure anger, growling savagely as her eyes darkened to a mesmerising midnight blue. They were fixed on Tanya and never before had I seen such rage flood her beautiful face.

All I could do was stare, in wonder, shock, awe, desire, and incredulity. She was so primal, and ferocious that I couldn't help but admire it. There was no part of her that resembled my soft Holly, but I didn't find as much fear in me as I thought I should have. There were, however, other feelings.

The rest of the family entered the room in a state of shock and amazement as they took in Holly's new self. It was truly something dazzling to look at, the complete transformation that she had undergone in mere milliseconds.

In reality, I knew her appearance was no different, but there was something about the way her posture was predatory and her eyes blazed, along with the furious sounds that left her mouth that triggered a primal urge in me.

She was just as much the predator as me, and I couldn't resist the heat that the idea bought to me. The fact that she could be just as raw and dominant as me sent my mind into a flurry of wonderful mischief we could get up to. I felt a unrelenting need to make her mine in every way, tame her in the most seductive manner. The very idea of having this wild and wonderful creature submit to me was something I found myself strangely enticed by. I could feel my whole body fizzing with the ravenous need to have her voluptuous body succumbing to mine.

Holly's body turned in a flash aand a wild hiss sounded from her mouth. It wasn't dangerous but it was a warning for the rest of the family.

She wasn't open for negotiation right now, and we each knew that the anger that was filling her right now was not something that could easily be reasoned with. God what a violent game of desire we could play with that heat burning within her.

Finally Tanya peeled herself from me, and the movements seemed slow compared to Holly's rapid actions, but I knew Tanya's speed was far from slow.

"Holly?" Tanya questioned and the spark in Holly's eyes lit up into pure fire. Pure midnight fire burning inside of her.

"Stop her!" Alice screamed, and it shocked me out of my place on the bench.

Holly was tensed to spring, and I knew I should stop her. I couldn't let her harm Tanya, not really. She wouldn't like herself for doing it, and I didn't want her to find any reason to doubt herself and her control.

Jasper leapt into action while the rest of the family looked on in wonder.

Jaspers arms couldn't hold her; even the waves of calm had no effect.

Holly just stalked forward as if there was nothing in her way.

She looked like a tigress stalking towards her prey, and I marvelled at the pure power she held, the pure dominance of her strong figure.

The urge to hold her to me and take her as my own increased and pulsed through me. Even if it wasn't decent or socially polite, it was a need that kept my eyes glued to her.

_Edward, that is not an emotion I need battering at me right now. _Jasper's thoughts infiltrated my lust filled my mind but I couldn't care to tame my raging feelings right now. Not when Holly was before me in her wild state.

"Emmett, some help here." Emmett's arms flew around Holly, and Rosalie cooed in her ear. She and Holly had a good relationship, and I knew they both shared a mutual respect for each other. However, even Rosalie couldn't tame my tempest girl right now. The storm flying through her was too strong to control.

I watched every single one of Holly's lithe movements in rapture. The way her body still flowed effortlessly even thought she was bound by both Jasper and Emmett. She was full of determination and nothing was going to stop her from her task of exacting her punishment on Tanya.

That idea had a fleck of worry ignite in my mind. I inched forward, contemplating joining the attempt of stopping her. But no sooner had I moved than her beautiful dark eyes burned at me.

_If you even enjoyed one moment of it! I might not tear you apart but something will definitely be ripped off!_

The heat in her statement and the raw power she was displaying made actual fear pass through me and I instinctively covered my crotch.

I should have kept my calm, but I was still a man and the only things I wanted to happen involving myself and Holly were good things, things that felt heavenly. I certainly didn't want my virginity ripped from me, literally.

"Christ Holly, you been on steroids or summit?!" Emmett shouted, and it earned him a guttural growl.

"She was all over him!" she hissed and I felt a swell of pride. Jealousy. That was the cause and creator of this wondrous creature before me.

She was fighting for me and she thought I was worth killing for.

She felt enough passion for me to sacrifice her feeling of self and murder just to keep me as hers and only hers.

It was an odd twisted sense of thinking but I couldn't feel more love for her then now as she stalked towards Tanya's cowering form.

"Uh I didn't realise... I wouldn't have if I'd known" Tanya mumbled, half stunned, from the corner of the room where she was cowering in her defensive crouch.

Holly's expression faltered from the anger and I saw the vivid azure blue glowing around the edges of the powerful midnight shade.

Holly's family had only just started to arrive at the scene, their human reactions too slow to keep up with all of us. It was definitely for the best because the look of horror on her parents' faces when they saw their daughter was bad enough without them seeing the whole event.

_My baby girl, what's happened to her? Did I make a mistake by choosing this for her? She seemed so normal and happy but she doesn't even look like my Holly now. _

Sandra's voice shook as she called her daughter and it matched the worried tone in her mind. All she could see was the fury reflected in her daughter's deadly dark eyes. There really wasn't any physical sign of her soft baby girl left in the shell of the powerful creature before her.

As soon as Holly's mother uttered her name, Holly's body drained of every ounce of fury. It seemed like she literally melted away back into her usual calm and happy self. There was no sign of her alter ego left at the surface, although Tanya's buzzing scared mind was still very wary.

"I'm sorry," Holly whispered in a voice that seemed so small and vulnerable that all I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and hold her in a loving embrace.

The rest of the family relaxed although Carlisle was already running through the possibilities of what had happened.

"I know Tanya had no idea of knowing. I just lost it," Holly muttered and a faked smile flickered on her face.

_Edward, she's not feeling too great about herself right now. _Jasper's thoughts caught my attention and I instantly made my way to her side.

"We understand that but what happened to you?" Rosalie asked, her mind completely focussed on Holly and her understanding how much fury she would feel if it had been Emmett instead of me.

I reached my hand for hers but I couldn't grasp it like I wanted because her father's eyes cast a warning glance at me.

_She wasn't herself, that was not who she is. She's still my little Holly-Berry. And Edward, I'm watching you, mister, so no funny business. _I ducked my head in a silent agreement and I heard Holly's faint chuckle at her father's behaviour.

"What you mean Rose? I was just angry that's all" Holly's voice was confused and I wondered if she truly had no realisation of just how different she had become.

"Holly it was so much more than that, Jasper and Emmett struggled to hold you. You were faster than I've ever seen you move. You were just a blur," Alice said, peering at Holy with astonishment.

_I could barely see her. It was like her shield intensified so much and her body changed that her physical being distorted the vision. She was gone so fast I barely knew what happened. _Alice's thoughts both intrigued and worried me. I had known Holy had changed but I didn't know it could have affected our abilities so much.

_I'm totally having some fun with this. Finally someone who can't cheat! _Emmett's thoughts were as usual completely lacking any seriousness. He couldn't see the consequences of Holly's state, only the benefits.

"You were different, not our softie Holly anymore," he said, his mind already plotting the best time to test out his new playmate.

I zoned out of the conversations and thoughts as I watched the love of my life crumble from a creature of confidence and power to a girl scared of her own body.

Holly's quiet everyday confidence was one of the many things I loved about her, so it hurt to see her shrink away in horror at what had happened, and doubt herself.

I didn't want to lose her to her own self doubt. I never wanted her to feel anything but safe, secure and happy with this life, just as she had been when she was human and friends with us.

The covetous thoughts that had consumed my mind a few seconds ago were wiped away in an instant as i watched Holly try to reassure her family and herself that she hadn't been lost. That somewhere in the statuesque marble form of her darker side there was still the soft, warm girl.

Sandra mentioned Holly's eyes and in frantic motion Holly examined her eyes in the nearest reflective surface.

"They weren't completely one flat colour, the colour faded from black to blue round the edge. I could see them almost glowing underneath the black" I said and Holly's gaze cast to me for the first time since she returned to her usual state.

The pain, worry and panic in her eyes was heartbreaking to see and I felt the fear that for the first time since she changed she would truly resent what had happened to her. That this moment would be the moment when she finally realised the monster I was for choosing this life for her.

Her hand squeezed mine and I felt maybe it was in a dire need for some security so I gently brought her towards me, ignoring the speculative thoughts of Jason. The idea that Holly saw me as her safe harbour or place of security was enough to make my dead heart swell with pride and love. I would do anything to protect this girl from every element of life that threatened to remove the innate happy sparkle that was almost always present in her deep, blue eyes.

She was my reason for existence, the reason for every one of my smiles and the object of my every wish and desire.

So many people had contemplated the meaning of life or what gives it true value. Through my years of living without Holly I too had ponder it, but as I gazed into the soulful, vulnerable, beautiful eyes of this sweet scared girl I knew only the answer.

Love and only love.

It's sacred.

It's the very base element of the spirit.

It's the only thing that is worth dying for and living for in equal measure.

That is why the only thing my life will ever want or need to have meaning and purpose is Holly. Her safety, her happiness, her feelings.

Because really, what else matters when you're in love?

A/N: Hope you like. x


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